


King of my Castle

by Azzy_Darling



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Insanity, M/M, Mpreg, happy end, seriously dark stuff, you are warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 17:13:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/738120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azzy_Darling/pseuds/Azzy_Darling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haldir is summoned to Mirkwood to help Legolas regain his sanity, so he can fulfil his destiny as a member of the fellowship as Galadriel foresaw it. But what really ails the young prince of Mirkwood? And can it really be cured as Galadriel thinks?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chaotic_binky](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Chaotic_binky).



> This is an older story that I thought I'd upload here, cause for some reason I havent. Well here it is as I told [HeavenOnFire](http://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenOnFire/pseuds/HeavenOnFire) I would, so you can procrastinate (with elves) a little more sweetie. =)
> 
> Betaed by Chaotic_Binky & Goodbye_sun
> 
> chaotic_binky and I challenged each other to write a light and a dark fic, cause i cant write fluffy stuff, and she have a hard time writing angsty stories. otherwise it wouldn't be much of a challenge, would it? The first part here is supposed to be the dark half.. Before i forget, then i want to remind you that Legolas is in fact a grown elf, he's just bonkers.

 

**Humpty dumpty sat on a wall**   
**Humpty dumpty took a great fall**   
**All the kings horses and all the kings men**   
**Couldn't put Humpty back together again.**

   
  
  
 _King Thranduil_  
  
 _I had a most surprising vision when looking upon the mirror, it seems your son, Legolas, has a very important role to play, in the future of Middle-earth. I know this will come as a surprise and I am aware that your ill-fated son is very sick, but I assure you that I know what I saw. Please allow my personal guard, who stands before you as you read this, to attend to your son; he is a master of broken souls, and has mended more than one grieving heart here in his home in Lothlorien._  
  
 _Galadriel Of Lothlorien._

  
  
Thranduil looked from the scroll to the regal elf standing in front of him. He would be the elf she mentioned. Thranduil sighed, feeling old and tired. Rolling the scroll back, he studied the silver-haired Lorien elf, ”Pray tell, what is your name; your Lady does not mention it”  
  
”I am Haldir of Lorien, Your Majesty.” Haldir bowed slightly to the woodland king.  
  
”Very well.” Thranduil slowly stood from his throne with a rustle of heavy silken fabrics. Placing the scroll at a sidetable, he picked up an apple and took a bite, munching on it for a long time, until he took yet another bite. The Lorien elf didn't seem to move. Thranduil finished the entire apple without Haldir as much as moving a muscle. 'Extraordinary' Thranduil thought to himself; his soldiers could learn something from this one. ”You are a patient elf, Haldir of Lorien,” he drawled. ”You will need that trait when dealing with my son.”  
  
Haldir turned his head and observed Thranduil in his ridiculously ornate robes. ”May I ask you what ails your son?”  
  
Thranduil sighed deeply and furrowed his brows, ”I cannot explain it, you will have to see him for yourself.” He crossed the floor and gestured for the guards to open the door. ”Come along brave Haldir,” he said disappearing around the corner from the door, expecting Haldir to follow.  
  
Haldir had not been told what was wrong with Legolas. All he had been told that Thranduil's son was sick, and that he needed his help. Haldir had protested at first, not wanting to be sent from his home, but here he was. Thranduil took them through a slim door and down two sets of spiral staircases until he stopped in front of a large gilded door.  
  
”Are you ready?” Thranduil asked softly, almost sadly. When Haldir nodded, Thranduil clutched the keys in his hand. ”You must be told something, for the sake of my son. He was not always like this. He was such a happy child, and whatever caused this condition, I do not know, neither do any of the healers. But I beg you to not hold anything he might say or do, when we enter, against him. He is... not well.”  
  
When Haldir just nodded again, Thranduil opened the door. Haldir turned his head in disgust at the smell that came from the room. It reeked of wild animal. Blinking for a moment, to take in the room, he finally saw him. ”Had we known he would have a visitor we would have sedated him,” Thranduil whispered.  
  
Legolas raised his head and looked at his father and the strange elf standing in the middle of his room. ”Papa,” Legolas cheered, trying to get to his father, but quickly found his restraints wouldn't let him move more than a metre from the wall. He looked down at the offending cuffs, they had been padded with fur so they would not cause burn marks when he tried to get them off, as he did daily.  
  
Haldir held his breath, looking at this wretched creature; he would hardly call it an elf anymore. The Heir of Mirkwood, the son of the proud Thranduil, was a feral animal covered in bruises and cuts, not to mention dirt. Haldir wondered if Legolas was blonde like his father, for at this moment he looked like he was dark haired.  
  
”Legolas,” Thranduil said, a gentle smile on his face, as he walked over to his son and embraced him awkwardly because of the chains that held Legolas to the wall behind him. ”Son, I have a visitor to see you.”  
  
Legolas' smile widened as he looked up at his father happily, ”Did he come to play?”  
  
Thranduil didn't know what to say, and just looked at Haldir, who reluctantly walked forward to where the king and his son stood. ”Yes, I came to play with you, Legolas,” he said with a slight smile.  
  
Legolas looked from Haldir's friendly face to his father, ”Can he stay? Please papa?”  
  
”Of course, son,” Thranduil said, a laugh on his lips, seeing his son’s pure joy from the prospect of a playmate. ”But is is late, and it is time for you to close your eyes and sleep.” He stroked his son’s head, refusing to remove his hand from the matted hair. ”In your bed this time, Legolas”  
  
Legolas nodded and held out his hands obediently to his father, who then in turn unlocked the cuffs, before he gently but firmly guided Legolas to his bed, a large golden piece of furniture. Haldir figured it would have had to have been built in the room, there was no way that someone could have carried it down those narrow stairs.  
  
Legolas sat on the bed and held out his hands again, while Thranduil fastened him to a different set of cuffs chained to the bed frame. ”Will you tell me a story papa?” he asked sweetly.  
  
Thranduil smiled wearily as he closed the last cuff shut. ”Of course, my son, what would you like to hear?”  
  
”Oh, oh, Something about Skittles,” Legolas chirped, sounding excited and not the least tired.  
  
”Very well, Skittles it is,” Thranduil said, taking Legolas' hand puppet, a purple and pink cat with a huge grin on its face, holding a little magic wand. Legolas smiled happily, like a small child. Haldir could tell that his eyes were the clearest blue, the same colour as the sky on a frost clear day. His features seemed softer than Thranduil's; he must take after his mother, Haldir thought and came to the conclusion that Legolas must have been a very pretty elf once.  
  
”And this was how Skittles met TumTum and they were best friends from that day on,” Thranduil whispered, ending his story. He smiled at Legolas, who looked dazed and sleepy. He kissed his son’s forehead and stood up from the bed with much labour. ”Let’s leave, he needs his rest.”  
  
Haldir followed Thranduil out of the golden room in the back of the cellar, and out into the dim hallway. ”Can I ask why he is chained?” he asked.  
  
”Of course,” Thranduil said, walking down the gloomy corridor, towards the spiral stairs. ”What you have seen is Legolas when he behaves; when he is wicked, he.. he..” Thranduil stopped dead halt, and turned to Haldir. ”You have to understand that he was a trained killer before this, and sometimes that... He killed several servants, and that is why he is not allowed to walk freely any more. The laws of our realm,” Thranduil said, starting to walk up the stairs slowly, Haldir following close by, ”States that he should be executed, or banned from his home for his evil deeds. But he is my son, Haldir of Lorien, and I cannot do that, so instead I keep him there in the cellar, like a dirty secret.”  
  
Haldir sighed, not sure what to reply. There was no words of consolation he could offer the woodland king. ”Is he an only child?” Haldir asked.  
  
”Yes,” Thranduil replied. ”His mother died from a spider’s poison before we knew how to defend ourselves better.”  
  
”Oh,” Haldir whispered.  
  
”Now,” Thranduil said with a strained smile. ”I am sure you must be hungry and tired. A room has been assigned to you, and I would be grateful if you would join me for dinner. I can go over the details about my son with you, if you are not too weary.”  
  
”I would like that very much,” Haldir said, bowing slightly to Thranduil.  
  
Thranduil snapped his fingers calling a servant, ”Show Master Haldir to his rooms.”  
  
~*~  
  
It had been wonderful none-the-less to get out of his travel garments, and into something more comfortable. Haldir tried to gather his thoughts about correcting his outfit before joining King Thranduil for supper, but his mind kept returning to Legolas in the cellar. In his opinion, it was a fate worse than death to be held in shackles in the dark; the sky was painted on the ceiling of the room, and the only wood there was his bed. He could not blame the servants being frightened of the feral elf, he too would have declined if he had not faced things much more frightening than Legolas. Haldir was full of questions, and to his surprise was very optimistic about it all.  
  
~*~  
  
King Thranduil pushed his plate away, sighing contentedly. ”So you wanted to hear about Legolas? It is only fair, if you are to help him out of his minds maze.”  
  
”Your Majesty,” Haldir said, leaning in over the table. ”Did your son hear the calling of the sea, prior to this?”  
  
”Truthfully, I do not know. Legolas went from an extrovert, merry child, to a sullen young elf, and then he became a strangely bitter adult elf. In the years leading up to this he did not speak much, even if we all tried to talk to him. Other elves tried to befriend him, some even tried to woo him, but he would reply to none,” Thranduil said, reaching for his crystal glass and sipping the liquid in it. ”So I am afraid I cannot answer you as to what might have caused this.”  
  
”You said he killed some elves?” Haldir asked.  
  
”Yes, most unfortunate. It was before his room down there, the cage as the servants call it. He took out four of his own servants, one he stabbed with a pair of scissors, another he strangled with his bare hands, and the last two, he.. eh.. he mangled so bad I do not know what killed them. Every single one of those poor elves was someone's brother, sister, husband, wife, child or parent”  
  
Haldir nodded. ”So the shackles are for us? Not for him?”  
  
”Both,” Thranduil admitted with a whisper. ”He sometimes had fits when he was alone, and he would...” The King blushed slightly. ”Strip down and do some rather obscene actions, causing every one discomfort, and that was not the worst. He would growl like an animal and use anywhere as his toilet, it was most undignified, and so I decided it was best for all to keep him like that.”  
  
”So he thinks he is some sort of beast?” Haldir asked curiously, reaching for his own glass.  
  
”Maybe,” Thranduil replied. ”So when you visit him, always lock the door after you, and make sure you do not unlock his cuffs, not unless you are quick in guiding him to the next, you wouldn't want him running off.” Thranduil poured more wine in his glass, offered some to Haldir, who held out his half empty glass. ”Never allow sharp objects near him, so please, please dress carefully. He will use anything as a weapon if he is in that mood.” Haldir nodded, noting the kings words. ”And never,” Thranduil said, ”Never, ever, touch Skittles, his other toys are fine, but he is rather protective about his cat.” The king laughed softly. ”Listen to me, I sound about as insane as him.”  
  
”I will remember never to touch his doll,” Haldir said, sipping the sweet liquid in his glass.  
  
”He won’t allow just about anyone to touch him either, so beware of that on the first time,” Thranduil said. ”And none have been able to get him near a bucket of water for years, it is not for the lack of trying.”  
  
”I believe you,” Haldir whispered, looking the king straight in his intelligent green eyes. ”I believe that you did everything you could, but I think you might be fighting an unfair battle for your son’s sanity.”  
  
~*~  
  
Haldir stood and stared at the big golden door, it seemed absurd that it would even be here, in the middle of what must have been a dungeon once. He supposed that all the other prisoners must have been moved somewhere else when the King’s son moved down here. He jangled the keys in his hand before he gingerly opened the door and peaked inside. ”Legolas?” he called. He knew he was in there in the dim light, but he didn't know where, and when the other elf sat up straight in the bed, Haldir was still startled. ”Oh there you are,” Haldir said, trying for a casual smile, but it came out more like a nervous tick.  
  
”It is almost noon, and you are still in bed?” he asked teasingly, slowly sitting down by Legolas' feet in the bed.  
  
”Did you come to play?” Legolas asked, observing Haldir closely.  
  
”I did,” Haldir replied, ”My name is Haldir.”  
  
Legolas crooked his head and looked at the Galadrim. ”You are pretty,” he said. ”Like the princess from my papa's fairytale”  
  
”Thank you,” Haldir said. ”Would you like for me to take you over to your toys?”  
  
Legolas nodded and held out his hands, just as he had done to Thranduil. Haldir felt bile rise in his throat as he took out his key to unlock the restraints. This poor creature was supposed to sing under the sky, not be transported from one prison to another. Remembering Thranduil's words, he was very cautions about touching Legolas. ”I am going to take your hand, Legolas. I am just going to take you to your toys, so do not worry.” He placed his hand gently on top of Legolas' who silently allowed the touch. Haldir noticed that the younger elf flinched as he closed his hand around his. He could feel the texture of his hand, it was a warrior’s hand, slim because of his genetic inheritance. But the palm of his hand was calloused, hardened by many a bow and sword hilt.  
  
Haldir congratulated himself when he had managed to guide Legolas to the other side of the room without any incidents. Like all the other times Legolas had taken that walk, he sat down cross legged with the toys and held out his hands again to be fastened to the wall there. It was against Haldir's very nature to cuff him again, but he did, because Thranduil told him to. Once Legolas had his cuffs on, he smiled at the Galadhrim. Just happy to be with his toys.  
  
~*~  
  
Haldir had arrived in the spring, and now both summer and autumn was spent, and winter had come to Mirkwood. Haldir had managed to get a good and close relationship with the rather skittish young elf; he would allow him to take his hand, even touch his chin. Once Haldir had even been allowed to fetch Skittles for Legolas when he had forgotten him in the bed.  
  
Today Haldir had a plan. No one dared to bathe Legolas, one of his victims was a maid who had tried to get him to wash his face and change his clothes. But Haldir had not seen the shadow of one of Legolas' 'fits, as Thranduil would call them, in all the time he had been here, and he was sure that all that grime had to itch, plus he wanted to show Legolas, in the mirror, that he was just as pretty as he kept saying that Haldir was.  
  
Haldir entered with a sing song, 'Hello there, precious.” As he opened the door, carrying Legolas’ lunch, which was the same as his breakfast and supper, always the same green soup.” I brought you your soup.”  
  
”Haldir!” Legolas cheered, waving Skittles over his head.  
  
Haldir sat next to Legolas, handing him the bowl of soup. The only one who had dared feeding him, for a long time, was Thranduil, and now Haldir. The bowl was made of wood, he was not allowed a spoon, so he just slurped it down, drinking directly from the bowl.  
  
”Legolas,” Haldir said softly. ”Today I want to do something different.”  
  
Legolas' eyes snapped open, looking up at Haldir over the brim of the bowl with mistrust and excitement mingled in one.  
  
”I brought you some new clothes,” he said, holding out a bundle of fabric, pink, purple and gold.” I thought you would find them pretty, you like those colours, right?”  
  
Legolas nodded, and gingerly reached out to touch the bundle with his fingertips. ”Soft,” he stated.  
  
”Yes, Legolas. Soft and clean,” Haldir agreed.  
  
”Now you need to do something for me, and then I will give you these clothes,” Haldir said, biting his lip as he saw Legolas' eyes narrow suspiciously. ”You have to take a bath.”  
  
Legolas shook his head. ”Nu-uh.”  
  
”Come now, Legolas, do you really want these pretty clothes to be ruined, all because you won't bathe?” Haldir said, noting that Legolas was running his fingers over the soft fabric, over and over, like he was petting a rabbit or something.  
  
”No...” Legolas mumbled reluctantly.  
  
”I promise you nothing bad will happen. It is actually pretty wonderful to take a nice, warm bath,” Haldir said with a smile. He stood up, and in that move he pulled the bundle of clothes out from under Legolas' hand. He noted how disappointed the younger elf seemed to be. ”Stand up please,” he asked, holding out his hand.  
  
Legolas got to his feet, rising to eye level with Haldir. He nervously eyed the door in the side of the room. Haldir knew this was the door to the bath that had been installed for Legolas' purpose, even though it was never used. Legolas had, in the past, flat out refused to go there, and would use a bucket or the floor for his other needs.  
  
”Nothing bad, remember that, Legolas,” Haldir said. ”Now, listen. I will unlock these cuffs, and you will remain still, okay?”  
  
Legolas nodded. Standing like a statue, waiting as Haldir unlocked him and took his hand. Legolas wordlessly let Haldir take him to the bath room door. Haldir could feel Legolas tighten his grip as he opened the door, ”It's alright. Look, nothing but a bathtub.”  
  
Legolas looked carefully, nervously, over Haldir's shoulder to see it was indeed just a huge wooden bathtub. ”He's not here?” he whispered close to Haldir's ear. It was nothing but a breath of air, so Haldir could have misheard it, he was sure he didn't though.  
  
”No one is here besides Anilie, you remember her, right?”  
  
Anilie smiled at Legolas as she poured another bucket full of hot water into the tub. ”Now there Legolas, a perfect bath.”  
  
Haldir gently pushed Legolas out into the bathroom, which like his bedroom was colourfully tiled, so they would never suspect they were deep underground. ”Hands,” Haldir said, and Legolas held out his hands, awaiting the set of cuffs linked to the bathroom ceiling just above the tub. For the first time, Haldir noticed that the chains were not bolted into the ceiling, there was an rigging mechanism which would allow anyone to adjust the chains. Haldir arched an eyebrow. ”Most odd,” he mumbled, but abandoned that thought, and locked Legolas' shackles. Haldir smiled at Anilie as she handed him the scissor that they had had to smuggle down to the room. ”Remember I am not going to hurt you. I will just get rid of these mangy clothes.”  
  
Legolas looked at the shining scissors, completely transfixed. His face twisted in horror as Haldir knelt before him and brought the scissors to the middle of his old tunic. ”No” he whispered.  
  
”Don't worry, Legolas, it will only be a little while. I will be careful,” Haldir said, thinking he was soothing the elf, so sure that he could talk Legolas into anything by now. But when Legolas did react, he was fast as a viper, snatching the scissors out of Haldir's unexpecting fingers, knocking the Galadhrim over. Legolas lunged for the maid Anilie, and had he not been shackled, he would have killed her in one move. Haldir got to his feet, and without thinking, he pushed Legolas backwards. The shards of the scissors, which had been aimed at Anilie's throat, went in his shoulder. Legolas fell backwards into the water, kicking and screaming. Haldir pulled the scissors out from his shoulder with a grimace of pain, and then held Legolas down in the water, keeping him from attacking poor Anilie again. Legolas fought with all his might to get up, water splashed out over everything in their struggle. ”No, no, no, no,” he screamed, and this was when Haldir noticed that Legolas' eyes were not filled with bloodlust, or anger, but raw fear.  
  
Haldir used all his weight to hold Legolas in the water, and after some time, the struggle lessened somewhat in force. ”Hush, there really is nothing to be afraid of,” Haldir said, trying desperately to soothe the struggling elf.  
  
”The monster, the monster. By Eru, no,” Legolas cried in a blood chilling tone, as if was he fearing for his life by the hands of Morgoth himself.  
  
”Anilie is not a monster, Legolas, please look again,” Haldir whispered in the younger elf’s ear.  
  
”Don't let him hurt me,” Legolas wept, now just shaking, but he had stopped struggling.  
  
”I won't,” Haldir whispered, wrapping his arms around the wet, shaking elf.  
  
Haldir turned and looked at Anilie who looked absolutely in shock. ”I am not harmed,” she said, her voice odd and methodical, as were she still trying to comprehend what just happened.  
  
”Take the scissors and go upstairs. I will take care of this. I will be fine,” Haldir said, tightening his grip on Legolas who still trembled. Anilie picked up the bloody scissors and hurried out of the bathroom, leaving Haldir alone, soaked, bleeding and with a very frightened elf in his arms. ”There now, can we take that bath now?” Haldir chuckled.  
  
Legolas slipped out of Haldir's arms, and just looked at him. ”You scared him off?” he asked with large, wide eyes, full of admiration.  
  
”I did,” Haldir said. ”Look,” he gestured out over the soap soaked bathroom. ”No monsters here.”  
  
Legolas looked around in the bathroom, and slumped backwards in the tub with relief. ”I want Skittles,” he stated. Haldir looked at Legolas, not sure if he should leave him in the tub like this, but on the other hand, he knew Skittles was on the floor in the toy corner. ”I will fetch him, wait a moment,” he finally said, standing up. As he did, a blood splatter landed on Legolas' hand. Legolas turned his head, staring at it, and then up at Haldir. ”You are hurt,” he whispered. ”Did the monster hurt you?” he asked sweetly.  
  
Haldir opened his mouth, and closed it again without saying anything. When he finally reacted he said, ”Skittles,” and left the bathroom to fetch the stupid hand puppet. He found it quickly, and as he picked it up, he stared at the stupid grin on the cat's face. ”He does not know,” he whispered. ”He does not recall what just happened.” Haldir turned the puppet in his hands. ”Why did he think Anilie was a monster? What did she do to trigger that reaction?” he whispered, still talking to the cat. He shook his head and left the room, and went back into the bathroom to Legolas, who still sat in the bathtub. ”Here, I am sure Skittles needs a bath as well.” He handed him the puppet cat, who just leered at them both with its painted moronic grin.  
  
”Legolas,” Haldir said. ”You can't bathe in your clothes. Do you want to remove them yourself, or do you wish for my help?” he asked, trying to keep the other elf's now elusive gaze.  
  
”Me,” Legolas replied with a tiny voice. Standing slowly, the murky bathwater cascading off his body, he took a hold of his sleeve and pulled hard. The fabric ripped, due to it being worn and threadbare. Haldir couldn't help but to look, and with a slight smile he noticed that it was not hard to imagine Legolas as a warrior, even after years of wasting away in this cage. Haldir shook his head to rid himself of the strangely erotic sight in front of him. When Legolas removed his old worn pants, Haldir was not sure if he had held his breath or not. He had to remind himself that Legolas was a child inside his mind, and did not mean for this. His mind might be that of a child, but his body was that of an adult. Legolas seemed to have noticed Haldir acting strangely. ”Is anything wrong, Haldir?” Legolas asked sweetly.  
  
”No, not at all” Haldir said, trying to not look at Legolas’ naked form as he stood chained in the middle of the bathtub. Who was the fiend that suddenly had given him this erotic train of thoughts to begin with, he wondered. ”You have to sit down in the water to get clean.” Haldir smiled.  
  
Legolas promptly sat down in the water, starting to groom Skittles. ”I am going wash your hair, so don't be startled,” Haldir said, taking his little three legged stool behind the back of the tub. He smiled to himself as he rubbed the soap between his hands, fluffing the foam. Then he applied it to the young elf’s tangled, disgusting mane. He could already see Thranduil's happy face when he saw his son clean and groomed for the first time in years. Slowly, Haldir managed to wash out the grime from Legolas' hair, seeing its true hue, like Thranduil’s, like liquid gold.  
  
Haldir had been so preoccupied with rinsing Legolas' hair, uncovering the beauty under the filth, that he had not noticed Skittles floating in the water, abandoned by the hand that had held it earlier. The chains jingled slightly in a steady rhythm. Legolas moaned softly. ”Legolas, what are..?” Haldir leaned in over the younger elf’s shoulder, to see what was the problem. Legolas leaned his head back on Haldir's shoulder, his eyes closed in bliss. ”...You doing?” Haldir's voice was a whisper, as he saw Legolas' hand under the water, between his legs, pleasuring himself slowly. Haldir stared at Legolas’ hand pumping, listening to him moan softly right next to his ear. He felt dirty and perverted, but still he could not stop watching. Becoming closer to his own undoing, Legolas let his legs fall wide open, and to Haldir's surprise the young elf reached down with his other hand too, and pushed a finger up and inside himself. ”Lego..” Haldir whispered, in a half attempt to tell the youngster to stop, but the protest died on his lips. He was mesmerised by the sound and sight of Legolas bringing himself to orgasm in the water.  
  
”Mmmm that felt nice,” Legolas suddenly said, his normal cheerful voice back. Haldir jumped backwards, almost tripping over the stool, being caught in his peep show. Legolas turned in his seat looking puzzled at Haldir, ”What's wrong?”  
  
Haldir fought with his heartbeat and voice for a while. ”Nothing...” He cleared his throat. ”Yes, yes, actually something, 'is' wrong, Legolas,” he said, noting that Legolas didn't seem to suffer any embarrassment or guilt over what he had just done. ”What you just did,” Haldir said softly, sitting back onto his stool, eye level with Legolas again. ”You cannot do that in front of others.” He cleared his throat, ”It belongs in private.”  
  
Legolas blinked. ”But it feels nice,” he said, clearly puzzled.  
  
Haldir groaned in frustration, not really ready to have that talk with anyone, even less a childlike grown elf. ”Yes, it does feel nice, but you cannot do that in front of others... it... it's wicked, do you understand now?”  
  
Legolas nodded. ”Are you going to punish me?” he asked with a tiny voice.  
  
”Lords, no!” Haldir gasped, feeling ridiculously close to laughter. ”Just don't do that again, in front of anyone.”  
  
Legolas nodded obediently. ”Skittles says he won’t do it either,” he said with a playful little smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second, and last part of the dark fic, or the dark half of this story, next part will be the light, happy, hugging in the sunset, shitting rainbows and pink ponys part.

Haldir got Legolas out of the bath and into his new garments. Now he was sitting on the bed, his cuffs back on, turning skittles in his hands idly. ”They are really pretty, these clothes,” Legolas said with a tiny voice.

”They suit you,” Haldir said, tucking some of the still damp, blond hair behind Legolas’ ear. ”Much better than the old ones.”

”You are the best friend I ever had, Haldir,” Legolas mumbled, looking down at the puppet in his hands, with his big stupid grin.

”What about Skittles?” Haldir said jokingly.

”He never chased off the monster like you did,” Legolas said, turning his head, looking straight at Haldir.

Haldir had wanted to wait, but now seemed like the moment. Legolas was totally relaxed and fairly talkative. ”Where do you think this monster lives? In the bathroom? Under your bed? Outside?”

”Don't know, he never told me,” Legolas said with a shrug.

Haldir inched closer to Legolas, wrapping an arm around him. ”Can you tell me what he looks like, so if I see him I can chase him off forever.”

”Like a living shadow,” Legolas whispered. ”He has no face.”

”If I ever see a living shadow, I promise I will chase it off for you,” Haldir said. ”And, if you see him, and I don't, tell me.”

”I promise,” Legolas said with a little yawn.

~*~

Haldir left the sleeping Legolas and went upstairs; living shadows, and grown elves playing with hand puppets, this was all a little much. Haldir began to believe that Galadriel must have been wrong in her vision, that it could not possibly be Legolas who would aid Middle-earth in the future. But still he knew he had made a crucial breakthrough, to even have Legolas talk about what scared him so, not to mention how scared he had been of the bath; Haldir couldn't stop to wonder why. Maybe Thranduil had some of the answers to his questions. So he decided to seek out the ruler of Mirkwood in his study.

Haldir had been right; Thranduil was in his study, reading. ”Your Majesty?” Haldir asked softly, stepping into the soft light from the fireplace. ”Do you have a moment?”

Thranduil looked up from his book and smiled at Haldir. ”But of course.”

Haldir walked further into the room, until he stood in front of the fireplace. ”It is about Legolas.”

”I heard,” Thranduil said, his face darkened. ”I am so very sorry that it happened, and I don't know what I can say to you, I just hope you can forgive him.”

”What?” Haldir asked, surprised. ”Forgive who? Legolas?”

”Your shoulder,” Thranduil said with a tired expression. ”He stabbed your shoulder, did he not?”

Haldir nodded. ”Yes Your Majesty, but he is already forgiven. It is on the other hand what I wished to talk to you about.” Haldir stood tall, awaiting the King. Who, in return, gestured towards the recliner next to him. ”Please,” Thranduil said with a polite smile.

Haldir sat down and took a deep breath. ”I don't know what triggered Legolas' fit today, but I do know it had something to do with that bath room. I have not seen him having any anxiety or panic attacks in the year I have been his keeper, this was the first time, and I have never seen anything like it. He was so fast it was almost unbelievable.”

”He received training from the best Mirkwood has to offer,” Thranduil said with a slight smile. ”That is why I know how dangerous he can be, if some part of his brain remembers the training he had before he fell ill.”

”Makes sense,” Haldir agreed. ”But I realised something in that bathroom, it is not random acts of rage nor just chaotic insanity, he is afraid Your Majesty, your son is deadly afraid of a faceless monster that comes for him.” Haldir knitted his eyebrows in frustration over this half puzzle. ”And all he did when he attacked Anilie was to defend himself from his tormentor.” Haldir turned in his seat to look directly at the woodland king. ”Why is that? Did he suffer nightmares as an elfling?”

Thranduil looked like he was about to cry. ”He did,” he whispered. ”He suffered terrible nightmares; he kept going on about how the shadows were out to get him. Many were the nights where he would come to my bed, too afraid to sleep in his own.” Thranduil sat straight up in the chair and leaned in over the armrest. ”Do you believe it is these nameless fears that have come back from his childhood, to torment him?”

”I do,” Haldir admitted. ”The question is why.”

”If I knew I would tell you,” Thranduil said smiling sadly. ”I found Skittles for him when he told me he was afraid of the shadows, and wanted to come sleep in my bed.” Thranduil pinched the bridge of his nose. ”When he was little, Skittles would keep him safe, he said. He carried that damned puppet everywhere, and I couldn't very well have him sleep in my bed, what would that not look like?”

Haldir frowned. ”His bed is specially built for him, right? The first time I was there I noted that it looked too large and heavy, so it must have been built in the room where it stands.”

”Indeed,” Thranduil said, standing up and walking to a cabinet to get some glasses for them. Haldir noted he was still wearing those ridiculously over decorated robes, pearls, embroidery and several layers of fine silk, a shame and a waste of materials. ”Everything in that room is specially built for him; no tables or chairs can be moved, everything is bolted to the floor, surely you must have noticed this?” Thranduil said. When Haldir nodded, Thranduil poured two glasses of some amber coloured liquid, and came back to his chair, handing one glass to Haldir. ”The bed has a skeleton of iron, of course it is for the sole purpose of it being unbreakable, and sometimes we have not been able to calm him, so the bed has extra restraints to keep him from harming himself.”

”You mean strapping him down?” Haldir said with a disgusted expression.

”Yes,” Thranduil said, his voice filled with heavy guilt. ”Which reminds me, I have to punish him for what he did to you.”

”No don't, I am sure he meant no harm to me,” Haldir said, shaking his head to empathize his point.

”I am his father, and I am the ruler of this realm, not you, Haldir of Lórien. As much as I appreciate your aid, you have no say in this matter.” Thranduil took a sip of his glass, his expression was dull and flat, but his voice clipped.

”Yes, Your Majesty,” Haldir said loud and clear, but the words stung on his lips. What if he jeopardized it all now? If he told Legolas that he was being punished because of him? Would he still greet him with a smile afterwards? ”Forgive me.”

”All is forgiven,” Thranduil said with a casual flicker of his wrist.

Haldir swallowed his drink and moved to stand. ”Can I ask you one more thing Your Majesty?” he asked. ”Why are the chains rigged? And not just bolted?”

”A part of his punishment, is shorter chains,” Thranduil said as the most natural thing in the world.

”Very well,” Haldir said, bowing politely to the king before he left the study to retreat for the day.

~*~

Legolas was still in bed when Haldir came down. ”How are you?” he said, feeling like a traitor just greeting the young elf so merrily.

”Papa was here,” Legolas said with a slight smile. ”He was mad at me.”

Haldir nodded. ”I know,” he said, sitting down at the foot of the bed gingerly. Looking up at the canopy above, he saw the chains had been moved from the old mark, shortened so Legolas would not be able to move off the bed. ”I spoke with him last night after I left you.”

”I am really sorry,” Legolas whispered. ”I didn't mean to hurt you.” He hung his head in shame, letting the now blond hair obscure his face. ”You should have told me I was the one that hurt you,” he mumbled.

Haldir looked surprised, that was about the most 'normal' sentence he had ever heard Legolas say, and even if it was a depressing topic Haldir felt hope, maybe the Legolas that had once been the crown prince of Mirkwood was still down at the bottom of this pit of insanity. ”I saw no reason to,” Haldir said in all honesty.

”Papa said you were in pain, and had to have the healers stitch you,” Legolas admitted shamefully.

”True,” Haldir said, and then took a deep breath before he reached in under the curtain of golden hair, lifting Legolas' head with two fingers, forcing the youth to look at him. ”Your punishment, it is but for today, right?”

”Yes,” Legolas whispered.

”So let us do something that doesn't require that you can get out of bed, like drawing, would you like that?” Haldir asked, smiling as Legolas nodded forcing his hand up and down under his chin.

~*~

Legolas had been completely concentrated on his drawing, when he suddenly, casually said, ”Where were you?” When Haldir didn't answer at first, Legolas looked up at him, his eyes large and friendly, yet filled with questions with no answers. ”Skittles said you might just not have heard me.”

”No, I didn't hear you,” Haldir said, his heart sank by the tone of Legolas' voice alone. ”Did you call for me?”

Legolas nodded. ”You told me to, remember?” he leaned in over the drawing, crushing the crayon and crumbling the paper under his weight. ”If I saw him, the monster, then you said I should call for you, and you would chase him off.”

”I said that, yes,” Haldir croaked, trying to read Legolas' eyes for what he didn't say. ”I didn't hear you Legolas; had I heard you I would have been here right away.”

Legolas let out a shuddering breath, and then nodded slowly. ”I knew it would come, even before it did.”

”How come?” Haldir asked in a near whisper.

”I heard him unlock the door,” Legolas said as the most normal thing in the world.

Haldir blinked. ”What? The shadow monster unlocked your door?”

”Yes silly, it always does that,” Legolas snickered a little at Haldir's stupidity.

Haldir had to stop himself from voicing his thoughts, for he had never heard of a ghost that opened doors with keys. ”Legolas,” Haldir said seriously, noting that the young elf reacted to his stern voice. ”I need you to tell me the truth now, it is important.” Legolas nodded eagerly, easing back again, reaching for Skittles, fiddling with the puppet nervously. ”Does this shadow speak to you?”

”No,” Legolas said a matter of factly.

”Right,” Haldir grumbled. ”What does this monster do? Does he just scare you?”

”No,” Legolas said again, this time more strained. After a moment’s silence, Legolas looked up at Haldir with a big smile on his face. ”I told him, you know. I told him what you told me.” Haldir couldn't make any sense of what Legolas said, but knew it was bad, it was between the lines. Legolas nodded. ”I told him you can only do that when you are by yourself, that it is wicked.” His voice broke, his smile demure. ”You told me that remember?”

Haldir nodded, afraid to breathe.

”He did not listen,” Legolas said, saddened. ”I told him he would be in trouble when you found out! I did! I told him!”

”Y-you did good,” Haldir managed to push out between his tight bloodless lips. What was going on here? Just what was Legolas actually telling him? Haldir felt like the room suddenly got colder, darker and hostile, and there was nothing he rather wanted but to run and hide somewhere else, anywhere. Moistening his lips, Haldir took a deep shuddering breath. ”So the shadow monster does that, even if it’s not supposed to?” Haldir smiled a little strained smile at Legolas who looked mostly like he ate every single word like was it the ultimate truth. ”Maybe the monster does not know you are not supposed to share that with others?”

Legolas frowned. ”Haldir?” he asked softly, almost a whisper.

”Yes Legolas?” Haldir answered hoarsely.

”If it is wicked to touch yourself when others are watching, then is it also wicked when someone else does it?” Legolas asked, scratching in the paint of Skittles with a finger nail.

Haldir wanted to scream in the youngling’s face, but he didn't he clenched his jaw and mumbled, ”What do you mean, sweet Legolas?”

Legolas squirmed a little. ”You know what I mean,” he whispered.

And Haldir thought he did, shaking his head slowly. ”No it is not alright, not unless you want it to be,” Haldir said, and then caught himself in it. ”What am I saying? No it is not alright, that is something adults do when they love each other; it is not for elves like you”

”Oh,” Legolas sighed.

”The monster, does he..?” Haldir asked softly.

”I don't want to talk about it any more,” Legolas stated, reaching for his broken crayon.

”For the sake of... Legolas! You can't just say something like that, and then go silent on me; I need to know what this monster does when he scares you!” Haldir half yelled, slamming his fist down into the mattress so the crayons jumped, realising too late that he might frighten Legolas.

”NO!” Legolas screamed, tossing a crayon at Haldir.

Haldir sat defeated at the foot end of the bed. ”I'm sorry Legolas, I should not have yelled at you,” he said, taking a deep breath. ”I actually brought something with me today, something I wanted to show you.” Haldir was hoping to turn the mood, and hopefully Legolas would let his guard down again eventually.

”You did? What is it?”

Haldir got up from the bed and walked over to the tray he had brought, which also had Legolas' now cold soup bowl on it, he picked up a piece of cloth and unwrapped the object inside. ”A mirror. Do you remember this?” He held the mirror up with the backside to Legolas, flipping it back and forth. Seeing Legolas smile at the mirror, Haldir smiled as well and came back to the bed and sat down. ”This, this is a mirror that used to belong to you, I took it from your old room upstairs.”

Legolas' eyebrows knitted, as was he trying to recall the mirror; he let his fingers travel down over the ornate back. ”My rooms,” he mumbled.

”Yes,” Haldir replied. ”But it was not really why I brought it. I brought it so you could see yourself, and just how pretty you are in your new clothes.” Haldir flipped the mirror and let Legolas look at himself in it.

Legolas' eyes widened. ”I know him,” he breathed, running a hand down over his face. ”Is that really me?”

”It is,” Haldir laughed. ”See how pretty you are?”

Legolas apparently felt no shame when he nodded. ”I am pretty.” He suddenly looked at Haldir, and it seemed like a fog lifted from his face, and a more intelligent shine was in his eyes, instead of the dull, disengaging look they normally had. ”They all told me that, but I never believed it,” he said, his voice soft and confident. ”Why didn't I believe them? I had this mirror; I could just have looked at myself.”

Haldir swallowed hard, this was what he had been waiting for all along. ”Maybe you didn't feel pretty inside?”

”Maybe,” Legolas whispered. ”Maybe I was wicked?” he asked, half to his mirror image, half to Haldir.

~*~

The moment had gone just as quickly as it had appeared, and now Haldir was on his way to the kitchen with Legolas' empty bowl. His thoughts raced; he should talk to Thranduil, and tell the king that he suspected that this monster that Legolas was so afraid of was indeed very much alive and real, possibly molesting his son, it would be no easy task. Anilie walked into the kitchen, seeing Haldir standing deep in thought by the window. ”Is everything as it should be, my lord?” she asked tentatively.

Haldir whipped around, relieved when he saw the small female elf in front of him. ”I don't know,” he sighed. ”Did you by any chance know Prince Legolas from before, before he turned into that childlike shell down there?”

Anilie nodded. ”Vaguely,” she said. ”I remember him well.” She stepped closer to Haldir so he would hear her whisper, ”He was a cruel master, and a terribly bad tempered elf.” She nodded to emphasise her point ”Yes, yes. He was as cold as he was beautiful.”

”Really?” Haldir asked, now completely thrown off target, having a hard time imagining that sweet smiling big elfling in the cellar with a cold, cruel prince. ”Did he have any friends?”

Anilie shook her head. ”No, he didn't care for friends, my lord.” She looked over her shoulder to see if anyone was within hearing range. ”The king paints a different picture, I am sure. But I assure you that none of us is eager to have the prince back to his old self, we prefer him in shackles in the golden cage.”

Haldir was utterly baffled. ”He must have known 'someone' here, a tutor perhaps?”

”Well,” Anilie whispered. ”Talk to Gilder, but you didn't hear it from me.”

”Of course I didn't,” Haldir reassured her with a warm smile.

~*~

Gilder proved harder to find than Haldir had thought; he was quite the elusive elf, spending most time in solitude. When he finally did find him, he was sitting at the edge of the forest, sharpening his knives. ”Are you Gilder, good sir?” Haldir asked, knowing the answer already.

”Perhaps,” Gilder said. ”Depends on who's asking.”

”Well, you don't owe me money.” Haldir laughed, not sure what to say.

”I know I don't, Haldir of Lórien.” Gilder said with a menacing grin. ”I am Gildir, alright. What do you want from me? Must be important with all that work you put into finding me.”

”It is,” Haldir sighed, squatting down into Gildir's eye level. ”I am told that you were the one who knew Prince Legolas the best, before he was locked up.”

”When he was actually the crown prince of Mirkwood, and not just that atrocity down there, forgotten and hidden for all,” Gildir said, a sarcastic smile tugging the corner of his mouth. ”Then yes, I knew him very well, my lord.”

Haldir raked a hand through his hair. ”What was he like?”

Gildir shrugged, ”He was just like Thranduil wanted him to be, he had been moulded and guided all his life, the rumour even has it that old Thranduil got rid of the prince's mother because she disagreed with him.” Haldir nodded, feeling his skin crawl, how could he have missed that? How had he not noticed? The eagerness that Legolas had when it came to pleasing his father, eerie. Admittedly every child wanted to please their parent, but he could see what Gildir meant.

”Did he rebel against it?” Haldir asked.

”No, actually not,” Gildir said. ”But one thing struck me as really odd, only weeks before he had his very first 'episode', he did say some really strange things; we weren't really close, so he never really confided anything to me. Me being the servant and him being the crown prince and all.”

”What strange things did he say?” Haldir asked, inching closer to Gildir, who instantly lowered his voice just like Anilie had. ”He told me that the shadows were moving, whispering,” Gildir leaned closer to Haldir. ”He looked sick, haunted and deadly pale; in the end he had to give up on joining me for patrol because he couldn't even muster the energy to get out of his bed.”

”That 'is' most strange indeed,” Haldir whispered back. ”The king said that Legolas had seemed listless and bitter, at the end.”

Gildir laughed softly. ”No my lord, it was like someone drained the very life out of him, even his eyes and hair were dull, not bright and shiny like it had been before.”

~*~

Haldir tossed and turned that night, unable to find his rest. Should he go to Legolas? Was he alone, bound to that vile bed, afraid? How he wished he could make sense of his information, something was wrong, so very, very wrong. He couldn't help but be disturbed by the fact that the servants story was so completely different from the king’s and Legolas' own.

He nearly dropped out of the bed when he heard the bell, loud and alarming. He quickly got out of his bed, wearing nothing but his sleeping pants, even his hair was in disarray from tossing and turning. He flung the door open to the hall, looking at the elves who all ran back and forth outside like headless chickens. ”What happened?” Haldir asked. When no one answered, he grabbed the nearest elf, forcing him to stop. ”What happened?” he repeated.

”It is the prince, my lord,” The visibly terrified elf said. ”He got free, and the whole east wing is on fire.”

”What?” Haldir gasped, pushing the elf away. He quickly ran towards the east wing; it was where Legolas' room was located in the cellar. Got loose? How did he get loose? The only ones with keys were the king and himself.

Arriving at the east wing, he could hear the flames roar, and feel the heat radiate from the hall, even though the fire was further down. Haldir turned the corner and ran towards the cellar, against better judgement, and instinct, which would have led him outside. ”Legolas!” he yelled.

No answer came, and truthfully Haldir did not count on finding Legolas down there. When he got to the golden doors, he found them open, and looking inside he found it empty. ”Legolas,” he cried, but no answer came. Looking over at the bed he noticed that the shackles were hoisted high in the air, Legolas would not have been able to lie down, he would have been crouching or kneeling. And then, then he noticed the blood. Was that how he had gotten free? Crushing his own hands?

Haldir decided not to spend more time in this monstrosity of a room, and quickly ran up again. The king’s study was harder to get to, flames as high as himself were licking against the wooden walls, feeding off the old structure of the wing. ”Legolas!” Haldir yelled, ducking down so as not to be burned by the flames crawling across the ceiling. It would make sense for Legolas to run to his father’s study, after all, according to Thranduil, this had been the only place he had felt safe as an elfling.

”Legolas,” Haldir screamed from the top of his lungs. He had to find him, and he had to find him now! He heard the commotion, knowing that every elf in Mirkwood had come to extinguish the fire, but Haldir was afraid they would not be fast enough, and that the ceiling would collapse on them. But as he came to the study, he found the door open, and once inside he saw something he had not counted on. Legolas sat in Thranduil's armchair, staring at the fire that was consuming the bookshelf next to the fireplace. And on the floor lay someone dressed in black robes. ”Legolas?” Haldir whispered, carefully stepping closer to the elf in the chair. ”Are you hurt?” he asked.

Legolas turned his head and looked dully up at Haldir. ”The monster was not a shadow after all,” he whispered. ”I pushed, and my hand did not go through. It was solid, it was solid Haldir, and I think I killed it.” He smiled sadly at Haldir.

Haldir looked down at figure on the floor, and with a loud groan managed to flip it over. The blood had made a large pool, and something was in it, twinkling. Haldir picked up the mystery piece, only to find it was glass from a mirror. By Eru, the mirror, he had forgotten to take it with him earlier. Not until now had Haldir noticed that the cursed mirror was embedded deep in the black figure's neck, like a deadly blade with a thousand shards. ”You know, Legolas, I suspected this, I suspected that someone was feeding your fear for the dark, but I was not sure.”

Legolas didn't answer; he just stared down at the figure on the floor.

When Haldir pulled off the black mask, he wished he had never done so, he wished he had never come here. And the next thing he heard was Legolas screaming his heart out, for on the floor lay the king of Mirkwood, dead in a pool of blood with tiny deadly stars in it. Haldir felt how nausea overwhelmed him, and he had to turn from the sight and lost control over his stomach, vomiting on the floor. It had been his own father all along! And suddenly many of the pieces fit. The truth was so horrifying that Haldir would not have blamed Legolas had he lost his mind in that very moment. But a loud cracking noise from further down the hall brought Haldir back to the current situation. ”Legolas,” Haldir yelled. ”Legolas we have to leave.” But Legolas did not respond; he was sobbing, trying to caress his father’s face, but instead just smearing blood around on the pale skin.

When Haldir tried to shake him to life, wanting him to deal with the reality of the east wing burning, Legolas just screamed, ”I WANT SKITTLES!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first part of the two part light half of this fic, i realise that this isnt exactly fluffy, but i'm getting there.

Legolas stood next to Haldir, watching his father's pyre. He had not ventured outside until now. He looked over his shoulder and saw the other elves of Mirkwood looking at him, hatred in their eyes. How could he ever tell them what had transpired? Legolas turned his head and looked at Haldir in the soft light of the flames. His saviour, had it not been for this elf, he would still have been stuck in that his golden cell, lost in his own personal hell. Slowly his mind had returned to him, he knew that he had insisted on getting his shackles on straight after Thranduil had died, but it seemed hazy, like a dream. Had it really happened? Legolas couldn't claim that he understood it himself, how could he have been playing with dolls, biting servants one day, and then today sit at the high table, carry pleasant conversation? Haldir had said that while he had been in the cell he had had no recollection of his, 'previous' life, or his achievements, and now when he stood here and watched the flames eat away the pyre, he had no recollection of his years in captivity. He revered his childhood, his begetting, his first kiss, his first fist fight, and most of all, all his fights he had with his father. He remembered his solitude and anger. But for the life of him, then he couldn't remember playing with toys, and that happened just a week ago. He knew that Haldir suspected foul play, and therefore had started to read through every journal that Thranduil had kept, those who had survived the fire that is. Legolas thought it looked awfully boring, but maybe Haldir was right? Maybe the answers that he wanted were somewhere in those damn journals.  
  
Legolas had been the first to leave the pyre, and Haldir had followed suit. ”My prince,” he said, placing an hand on Legolas' shoulder, preventing him from walking away.  
  
”What is amiss Haldir?” Legolas asked, smiling sadly at Haldir.  
  
”I do not think it wise to leave the pyre so soon,” Haldir replied, brushing some of Legolas hair away, behind the elf's ear. ”Think of your coronation, and... the others, they..”  
  
”The others, they 'what'?!” Legolas said, low as a whisper. ”Hate me?”  
  
Haldir looked beaten. ”Yes” he mumbled. ”I fear that most elves will leave the realm, once.. ehm.”  
  
”Once I am king,” Legolas finished for him. And Haldir just nodded.  
  
”Will you leave as well?” he suddenly asked. Not really sure why he needed to know, but he did.  
  
”Eventually,” Haldir stated.  
  
”When is eventually?” Legolas demanded to know.  
  
”As much as I want to stay here, I hail from Lorien, and I will hear my queen’s call when it comes,” Haldir said,  
  
Legolas nodded. ”Then I will leave too,” he said, brushing Haldir's hand off his shoulder and walked towards the royal home again.  
  
Haldir followed, and waited till they were back in the princely rooms, before he closed the door behind him, looking at Legolas who had seated himself in a plush chair, exact replicas of those Thranduil once had. ”You can't leave Mirkwood, Legolas,” Haldir said, leaning up against the door. ”Your people need you here.”  
  
Legolas shrugged, ”They don't want me here, that much is pretty obvious.” He looked up at Haldir, ”Why should I stay then?”  
  
”You're their king, and nothing they say can change that, my friend,” Haldir said. Finally Haldir left the door and went to the bookshelf to pick up a huge red leather bound book. Thranduil's personal journal. ”Legolas,” he said. ”You really should read this.”  
  
”Why?” Legolas sighed. ”I have no need for my fathers secrets.”  
  
”This will interest you, I promise,” Haldir said, sitting down on the armrest of Legolas' chair. ”I found it two days ago, but wasn't sure if I should show you or not, but decided that you should know.”  
  
Legolas took the journal with a deep bored sigh. And opened it on the page where Haldir had held his finger. ”Alright, let me entertain you then.”  
  
The first part was as Legolas expected really boring, something about how he had recovered Skittles for Legolas. But further down in the text Legolas felt himself pale.  
  
 _'I discovered early on in my son’s life that he had no interest in female elves. He kept the company of servants and guards, he probably thought I did not know, but he is yet to learn that I know everything that goes on here in my own home. Prior to his relapse into childhood, I presented him with some fine female elves from which he ought to choose a wife and ensure the royal family of Mirkwood’s survival'_  
  
”By Eru!” Legolas whispered, looking up at Haldir for a short moment. ”He knew that?” A slight blush crept across his fair features. ”I remember those boring geese he tried to push on me, I had no idea this was his plan.”  
  
”It gets worse,” Haldir just mumbled.  
  
Legolas returned to reading Thranduil's journal.  
  
 _'In his current state no elf in their right mind would want to marry him, and even less produce a grandchild for me, and so in my desperation I turned to the old crone in the forest. It was a dangerous trip, one I had to make by myself because I did not trust anyone enough to go with me, and so I told the servants that I wanted to go and ponder by myself for some time by the bottomless lake to the west. But I ventured to the crone, and presented her with my perils. She told me something interesting, that love magic was hard, and no matter how good she was, she could not make it last, so eventually the effect would wear off, and chances were the mother would leave with her elfling, angered that she had been tricked. But she could do something else, something that did not require trickery of the mind. It was arcane magic, old as the earth itself. She made me three portions to give to my son, and then something inside him would change, and then he, within hours of drinking a portion, would be able to bear a child of his own. This child would need a father because the crone's magic would give Legolas a womb for some hours, it would disappear again once the effect of the portion wore off, had he not been impregnated. And in his current state he would not know what happened to his body. I pondered over this the whole way home, keeping my portions close. And that same night, I went to him and gave him the portion, which he drank without questioning me, my sweet, obedient son. I went there that night, claiming his body as mine, using him till I heard that sweet voice of his cry in release. Now I just have to wait, and waiting will be hard.'_  
  
Legolas didn't know what to think or say. ”I..” he stuttered.  
  
Haldir smiled softly. ”Told you it was important,” he whispered, turning some pages and pointed down in the book again.  
  
 _'The portion failed me; Legolas has not fallen pregnant. I will have to try once more, maybe I need to spill my seed inside him immediately after he drank the portion; maybe I waited too long?'_  
  
Legolas suddenly slammed the book shut. ”Enough,” he hissed. ”I can't read more of this”  
  
”I understand,” Haldir said, laying the journal on the table. ”But you ought to read this journal some day.”  
  
Legolas shook his head in a childish manner. Haldir wrapped an arm around Legolas' shoulders, and sat like that in silence for a long while.  
  
~*~  
  
Haldir had watched Legolas slowly returning to his old self with growing distress. The smiles and laughter had completely left the young elf, and gone were the joyous embraces. All that was left was a sullen brooding elf. Haldir understood that Legolas was worried, and he knew that under his stoic surface he was scared out of his mind. He had murdered his father, which made him a kin slayer, it was no small matter.  
  
Haldir looked over at Legolas who lay in the bed staring up at the canopy with his arms folded under his head. ”Legolas,” he said tenderly, carefully sitting down at the foot end of the bed. ”I wish you would release that journal to the elven tribunal.”  
  
”No,” Legolas said, his voice clipped.  
  
”I am sure if they knew what your father had done, they would understand that you had every right to lash out, and that you could not possibly have been aware of the true nature of your tormentor.” Haldir took a deep breath. ”And he stated several times in his journal that he kept you sedated with a highly hallucinogenic drug. I am 'sure' they would find you were.. are.. eh, not guilty of the heinous crime as some might believe.”  
  
”So they could call me mad?” Legolas sighed sadly. ”It would just prove that I am a weakling, unable to fend for myself, much less run this kingdom on my own, and that my father, the much beloved, and sorely missed Thranduil, was a crazy pervert. Do you really think the inhabitants of Mirkwood would be lenient, even if the Tribunal would be?”  
  
”You can only hope that...” Haldir said, his voice trailed off to nothing. ”No one is calling you weak; don't think you could have prevented this, or that you brought it upon yourself somehow.”  
  
Legolas turned in the bed, laying on his side, watching Haldir at his feet. ”I'm ashamed,” he admitted in a whisper.  
  
”Your secret is safe with me, if that is what you truly want, my prince,” Haldir said, placing a soothing hand on Legolas’ calf. ”But I implore you to bring that journal to the tribunal, or let me meet them in your stead.”  
  
”No,” Legolas said softly. ”I will rather take whatever punishment they can conjure up, than admitting to anything written in that cursed journal.”  
  
”So be it,” Haldir said nodding, even if he strongly disagreed.  
  
~*~  
  
Legolas had dreaded the coronation, but now that it was here, it seemed like he had been afraid of shadows, his fathers head advisor had placed the circlet on his head and held a little speech about how delightful it was to see another generation of Oropher's descendent on the throne and a whole lot of stuff that Legolas didn't really hear, his focus was on Haldir, he was standing in the side of the crowd, looking absolutely brilliant in his light blue garments, like a blue diamond, amongst rubble.  
  
The advisor patted Legolas' shoulder, and Legolas rose, looking out over his people gathered in the courtyard. He had rehearsed a speech, Haldir had helped him write it. But now it seemed pointless. So instead he looked out over the elves of Mirkwood. ”I know some of you are thinking of leaving,” he said, listening to the whispering in the crowd, ignoring Haldir's shocked expression. ”I wanted to take this moment, the first I have as the ruler of Mirkwood, to tell you, that you are all free to leave at any time you wish. I know most of you do not understand how it happened that just weeks ago I believed I was but a child, but I assure you my mind has returned, and I have learned from my mistakes. I am not the same Legolas today, as I was years ago. So I ask of you to give me a chance to prove to you that I am able to rule Mirkwood, just as well as my father did.”  
  
~*~  
  
”Why did you say that?” Haldir raged, once they had reached Legolas' private chambers, ”That was foolish, and very unbecoming.” Haldir frowned as he realised that Legolas was not listening. ”All you did was give the people a reason to doubt you! Legolas! Are you listening?”  
  
”I am,” Legolas said, turning the kings circlet between his fingers idly. ”I said what I had to say.”  
  
”Eru! Legolas, you fool!” Haldir sighed.  
  
”Haldir?” Legolas asked sweetly, reminding Haldir of when he was still locked in the basement. ”I know you received a letter from Lorien, what did it say?”  
  
”It, eh,” Haldir mumbled, not sure what to tell Legolas.  
  
”The truth please,” Legolas said, turning in his chair, looking directly at Haldir who had stopped pacing the room, and stood still in front one of the large windows.  
  
”My queen wishes for me to return,” Haldir whispered. ”She didn't say when, just soon.”  
  
”Oh,” Legolas replied with a hurt expression. He placed the circlet on the vanity table beside him, and rose from his chair, walking to where Haldir stood. ”When will you leave, then?” he asked.  
  
”In a week’s time, I reckon,” Haldir replied, not able to look Legolas in his eyes. ”I came to heal your spirit, and that I have done.” He took a deep breath. ”You are now Legolas, King of Mirkwood, and you do not require my help any more.” A little smile played on his lips.  
  
”You came to heal me, and you did, but what good is that if you leave me broken hearted?” Legolas whispered.  
  
”Don't say that,” Haldir said, mortified.  
  
”What? Can't I say?” Legolas suddenly yelled, like a furious child. When Haldir opened his mouth to answer, Legolas hushed him with a gesture of his hand. ”I understand,” he said acidly. ”You offer me friendship, I know that. Thank you Haldir.” He looked Haldir directly into his eyes. ”You should hear your queen’s summoning, and leave me to my sorrow, truth is that your place was never here at my side.”  
  
”Legolas,” Haldir said, with a saddened tone.  
  
The one elf he wanted to stay, was leaving. Legolas was about to march into the Chief Advisor's chambers and toss the stupid circlet in his face, telling him to rule Mirkwood himself, and just leave this cursed place all together. ”Can I ask you one last thing?” Legolas asked softly, looking away from Haldir's gaze.  
  
”Anything,” Haldir sighed, he would do anything to remove that hurt expression from Legolas' beautiful eyes.  
  
”Would you give me another bath?” Legolas asked, finally looking back up at his friend.  
  
Haldir squirmed a little uncomfortably. ”If that is your wish”  
  
~* ~  
  
The time of Haldir's departure approached rapidly, and to Legolas' sorrow he watched the elves of Mirkwood leave in big parties; if they left for another realm, or if they left for Valinor, he didn't know, but it just seemed like a long, never ending stream of refugees from a broken Mirkwood.  
  
Legolas was alone in the dark, reading his father's journal.  
  
 _'Admitted I had never meant for my son to return to his childhood, a part of me feels guilty, and another part of me keeps feeding him the hemlock which keeps him in his dream state. I love how he will call for me, just like he did as he were a wee one, my son needs me close again. And I need him even closer.  
  
If I add some to his soup along with the hemlock, he is burning with desire moments later. He will practically beg the 'nightmare' to touch him, moaning like the wanton whore he is. He is mine now, every inch of him, heart, body and soul. My son finally loves me.'_  
  
Legolas felt sick to the heart, reading this. So his father had kept him drugged to keep him docile and dependant, and Haldir had changed all that. The shadow man... Luckily Legolas had forgotten most of his time in the cell, but he recalled feeling like he was on fire, seeing the stars that were painted on the ceiling, move down over the walls. Crying from pain, unable to find release no matter how hard he would try, not until the shadow man would grant him a release so violent he thought he would break apart.  
  
 _'I have but one potion left, I do not understand why it has not worked; the crone promised me that they would have the desired effect.'_  
  
Legolas read those lines over and over again, ”One left?” He whispered to himself. He rubbed his temples, ”Eru, you are mad as your father,” he mumbled to himself. He rested his forehead in the book, and wrapped his arms over the back of his head. ”Mad,” he mumbled into the pages. Where would you hide it you bastard? He thought to himself. Searching his mind what those vials would look like, and the harder he thought about it, the more he recalled seeing a green vial with a silver stopper, in his old cell down in the prison ward under his feet.  
  
~*~  
  
As he walked down the stairs he asked himself why he would do something like that, this was crazy! But he still continued, making his way down the hall, stopping in front of the golden double doors. Legolas pushed the door, but found it locked. He had already thought of this, and brought Haldir's copy of the key.  
  
The air that hit his face was stale and smelled of sweat, and urine. He stepped inside, half afraid someone would shut the door behind him, and he would be trapped here once again. He walked over to the bed, running a shaking hand down over the pole that held the shackles. He had loved this bed, he recalled that. But looking at it now, it looked ominous and dangerous, like it would eat him alive if he crawled unto the mattress. He shut his eyes tight, trying to recall where he had seen the vial.  
  
~*~  
  
Haldir felt nervous and somewhat like a traitor as he sat at the high table, looking at Legolas who ate his food with a creepy serene expression. ”My king,” He finally said. His voice echoing off the walls in the large hall.  
  
Legolas looked up at Haldir. ”Are you not hungry?” he asked pointing with his fork at Haldir’s untouched plate of food.  
  
Haldir looked down at the food, it actually looked delicious, but he was not hungry. ”I am leaving for Lorien at dawn,” he said. ”I am sorry, my king, but I postponed it as much as I could.” They both knew that wasn't true, but ever since Legolas had talked about being in love Haldir had wanted to leave, he didn't want to hurt Legolas more than he had to, but truth was that he cared greatly for Legolas, but was not and would never be romantically interested in him, so he had no choice but to let him down, and leaving would be the best solution for all. He wished that Legolas would find love, he wanted him to find someone to give him what he apparently needed, but it was not him, absolutely not him.  
  
Legolas felt himself pale, but he was too aware of the other elves in the room, and not even his servants who had remained could know. ”Very well Haldir, if there is anything at all you need, it is yours, you have but to voice it.”  
  
”Thank you, my king, it is most kind of you,” Haldir replied. ”Will you forgive me for leaving the table early, I am tired, and I have a long journey ahead of me.”  
  
”Of course, my friend,” Legolas said, calmly. He watched Haldir intensely as he rose from the table and left the room.  
  
~*~  
  
Hours later Legolas knocked on Haldir's door, and to his surprise it was instantly opened. ”I thought you slept,” he said with a slight smile.  
  
”If you really thought that, you would not have knocked on my door,” Haldir said dryly.  
  
Legolas arched an eyebrow, ”Are you saying you were expecting me to knock on your door?”  
  
”I was,” Haldir said, closing the door behind Legolas.  
  
Pain shot up Legolas’ stomach as were he stabbed with a dagger, forcing him to sit as he tried not to show his discomfort. ”Are you alright?” Haldir asked, looking concerned.  
  
”I'm fine, thank you,” Legolas said with a strained smile. ”Are you still good for your promise?”  
  
Haldir sighed and nodded. ”I promised, didn't I?” He crossed his arms over his chest. ”Can I ask why you asked this specific thing of me?”  
  
”You have kind hands,” Legolas stated. ”The hands of a healer.” He smiled a little awkward and boyishly. ”I thought that maybe I would feel fully rejuvenated afterwards, and the departure would not feel as much as a loss to me.”  
  
Haldir nodded, it did actually make sense, and if he could do anything to help Legolas reclaim his life, he would. ”I already drew you a bath,” Haldir admitted. ”I was sure you would come,” he shrugged and gestured towards the bathroom.  
  
Legolas' smile lit up. ”Fantastic,” he cooed, getting up from his chair, thankful that the pain had now lessened and he was able to walk without bending over. Once in the bathroom, he closed the door and shed his clothes, knowing that Haldir would leave if he acted indecent. With a deep sigh he immersed himself in the warm water. ”I'm in,” he called out, watching as Haldir opened the door, stripped of his boots and tunic. ”I don't want all my clothes to get wet,” Haldir stated flatly, easing down on the stool he had placed behind Legolas' back.  
  
Legolas sighed blissfully as Haldir’s fingers massaged his scalp, rubbing in the soap to wash his hair. ”Do you think they will all leave?” Legolas suddenly asked. ”Leaving me alone in a ghost realm, growing lonely and crazier than my father?”  
  
”No, I don't think they will all leave,” Haldir said, moving his hands down to Legolas' shoulders, massaging the tense muscles he found there. ”Eventually they will realise that you aren't the brat you were years ago.”  
  
Legolas laughed softly. ”It's still odd that you're leaving, that tomorrow you won't be here.” He turned his head somewhat, looking over his shoulder. ”Do you miss your homelands?”  
  
”I do,” Haldir admitted. ”Nothing can compare to Lorien, it is the most beautiful place on all of Arda.”  
  
”I believe you,” Legolas said. ”Nothing beautiful or magical about this place, nothing but death and dark damp forest.” Legolas sat for a moment in silence, until he suddenly turned around in the water, looking at Haldir. ”I forgot the wine,” he gasped. ”I had some special wine taken up from the cellar for this, your last night here, would you be so kind as to call a servant and have it brought here?”  
  
”Sure,” Haldir said, smiling slightly. He didn't want any wine, but he didn't want to hurt Legolas' feelings, now that he had a bottle picked out for him specifically. He stood up and walked into the bedroom, pulling the bellstring, to call a servant.  
  
While Haldir stood in the door, Legolas sat in the bathtub waiting, when suddenly the sharp pain returned. He had to bite down hard on his arm not to scream. For a moment he thought of just confessing to Haldir, that he had read that passage in his father's journal, and then had sought out that last vial, and with no second thoughts had downed it all prior to coming here, in one last desperate attempt to make Haldir stay. He knew from the journal that Thranduil had given him this before, but he did not recall this pain, not even close. And for a moment he felt terrible for tricking Haldir like this. All he wanted was just for Haldir to love him the way he loved Haldir, was that really so wrong?  
  
Haldir returned with the bottle and two glasses, filling both and handing one to Legolas who managed to take it without grinding his teeth too much. ”To friendship,” Haldir said.  
  
”To friendship,” Legolas echoed. Closing his eyes as he downed the glass of yellowish wine. For he knew what this was, this special wine he had picked out for Haldir. It was his father's recipe for an aphrodisiac, and he knew it worked, he knew all too well what this would do to you when mixed in food, so he could only guess what it would do when mixed in wine.  
  
”It really is a wonderful wine,” Haldir said, taking the last sip in his glass, pouring one more, not noticing that Legolas twitched. ”You too?” Legolas held out his glass and let it be filled again. ”To the king,” Haldir grinned.  
  
”To the king's best friend,” Legolas grinned, splashing water on Haldir, now that he could move again, and the pain had gone.  
  
~*~  
  
They sat for some time and talked about nothing, about how Lorien looked in the spring, and how Haldir missed his brothers, and wished that Legolas could meet them; his youngest brother Rumil was the same age as Legolas. Legolas had just been sitting listening as he slowly felt his skin heat up, making him uncomfortable, like he had a fever or something. ”Hand me that towel,” he said reaching out his arm.  
  
Haldir got the towel; Legolas noticed his cheeks were flustered, and reckoned that the aphrodisiac had worked on the Lorien elf as well. Legolas stood up in the water and stepped out on the floor stark naked, sporting a healthy erection, taking the towel off Haldir, who seemed to blush crimson, but did not move. Legolas crooked his head and just dropped the towel on the floor, never using it. ”It's all your fault,” he whispered, stepping closer to Haldir. ”This is what your touch does to me.” He ran his hand over his own erection, sucking in his breath as he did so.  
  
”Legolas,” Haldir managed to croak. ”You should leave.”  
  
But Legolas just smiled, stepping close to Haldir, so they almost touched and watching Haldir as he fought to keep his breath steady. ”I love you,” Legolas whispered. ”I just wish you loved me as well.”  
  
”I don't,” Haldir whispered. ”Not that way.”  
  
”Let me change your mind,” Legolas purred, gently running his palms over Haldir's hips, and with a quick yank he pulled Haldir's pants down, freeing his erection. Legolas rose an eyebrow. ”Just tell me to stop, and mean it. Then I promise I will,” he whispered, curling his fingers around Haldir's erection, massaging it slowly, smiling as the Lorien elf’s hands trembled when he weakly tried to push Legolas away.  
  
”St...” Haldir panted. ”St-op.”  
  
”Hush, you don't mean that,” Legolas whispered, cutting Haldir's half hearted protests off with a kiss. A kiss that quickly grew deeper and more demanding. It ended as sudden as it had begun. Legolas teasingly bit Haldir's lip. ”Please,” Legolas whispered. ”Please Haldir.”  
  
When Haldir was about to protest, however weakly, Legolas suddenly swept Haldir’s feet away from under him, and too dazed and confused, Haldir could not regain his balance, but fell to the floor, only to find himself pinned to the tiles beneath him by Legolas.  
  
Legolas looked at Haldir for a short moment. ”I can't let you leave like that,” he admitted with a smile. ”Close your eyes,” he whispered before licking a wet trail up Haldir's jawline with his tongue.  
  
Obediently, Haldir closed his eyes, he wasn't really sure why. He didn't want this, he wasn't like this! But the fire that burned under his skin was unbearable, and Legolas seemed like the cure. ”Just pretend that I am a pretty elven maid,” Legolas whispered in his ear. He could do that, Haldir thought to himself, trying his hardest to imagine what he knew was Legolas, as a fair elven maid, round hips and heavy breasts. But as soon as the illusion was complete, and Haldir was squirming under Legolas' ministrations he suddenly felt something alien, too tight to be a female elf, and that was when he finally opened his eyes.  
  
Haldir watched in horror as Legolas slowly impaled himself, his gaze travelled from Legolas’ crotch to his face, twisted in pain, but his voice only gave the impression of pleasure. Gingerly, Haldir reached out and rested his hands on Legolas' hips, falling into his rhythm as the prince started to move. In his dazed condition Haldir couldn't help but watch Legolas ride him with such abandon, he couldn't recall he had ever had such an lover. As much as he wanted to watch Legolas, finding it oddly erotic, he eventually had to close his eyes, as his own pleasure suddenly picked up pace. His grasp on Legolas' hips was so tight his nails drew blood from the prince's skin, ramming himself upwards, into the velvet heat that promised him release, like water to quell a fire. Legolas felt his skin break under Haldir's nails, he had guessed that Haldir unleashed would be a force of nature to try and harness.  
  
Legolas screamed out as his body was shattered by a powerful orgasm, threatening to drive him mad. Legolas' orgasm came as a surprise to Haldir who was lost in his own sea of intense pleasure. Legolas suddenly shivered and cramped at the same time, milking Haldir's orgasm out of him, he found his release with a raw sob.  
  
Legolas slid of Haldir, exhausted, resting against the bathtub's side. ”Ai Valar,” he grinned.  
  
Haldir, scrambled to his feet and looked down at Legolas with a furious expression. ”What is wrong with you, Legolas?” he demanded to know.  
  
Legolas looked up at Haldir with a sedated, sweet smile. ”I just wanted a farewell gift to last me some years, and by Eru, I won't forget this for quite some time.”  
  
”You poor wretched creature, you were better off in the cell in shackles,” Haldir spat, pulling his pants back up with a angry, swift move.  
  
Legolas frowned, getting to his feet as well, but while he was getting up, he was hit once more by the numbing pain in his abdomen. Causing him to fall to the floor with a chilling scream, clutching his stomach.  
  
Haldir was divided, he wanted to help his old charge, but what Legolas just did was unforgivable. Even now Haldir still felt lust roar through his body, and could come to no other conclusion than Legolas had drugged him to be compliant. Haldir turned and left the bathroom with the crying Legolas curled up in pain on the cold tiled floor. He would not wait till the morning to leave, he would leave right this instant.  
  
~*~  
  
Strapping the saddlebag up, he heard the door to the stables open. ”Haldir?” Legolas called, he sounded worried. ”Here,” Haldir said, knowing it was pointless to hide.  
  
Legolas slowly walked over to Haldir, his bare feet carefully stepping on the hay on the floor. He had pulled on some pants and a tunic, he had no time for boots if he were to catch Haldir. ”I thought you secretly wanted me too,” he mumbled, not looking up at the older elf. ”I thought you would enjoy yourself, I... eh.”  
  
”What you did was...” Haldir sneered.  
  
”Unforgivable,” Legolas finished for him. ”Yes,” Legolas admitted with a whisper. ”But I just...”  
  
Haldir lifted Legolas' chin with his fingers, and Legolas reluctantly looked him into his eyes. ”You can't shape others will according to yours, Legolas,” he said. ”That is not what makes a ruler, that only makes you a manipulative madman.”  
  
”I honestly thought you wanted me too, I just wanted to give you the opportunity without having to think too much,” Legolas said, swallowing hard, seeing the loathing in Haldir's eyes. This was something he had not anticipated at all. Anger he could deal with, anger would lessen and fade, but loathing was something completely different.  
  
”Such honeycoated lies,” Haldir said softly. ”Goodbye, Legolas.”  
  
”Don't go,” Legolas pleaded with a thick voice, finally voicing his fears. ”Please don't go.”  
  
Haldir smiled, admitting that he did feel saddened. He didn't know if it was because the lost, sad elfling he had come to save from his own madness had turned out to be this monster after all, or if it was because he saw the elfling behind the features of the monster... ”Take care, my king,” Haldir said flatly. ”I am sure our paths will meet once more, eventually.”  
  
Legolas drew a long shuddering breath. ”Forgive me, I was wrong, but please don't leave me behind like this. I, I.. I love you.”  
  
Haldir shook his head sadly, pushing Legolas aside as he pulled the horse out of its box. ”No you don't, you just think you do, because i was the one to tend for you.”  
  
Now it was Legolas' turn to shake his head, ”I do, I do love you, and it pains me to see it burden you so.” He stomped his foot in frustration, ”I want you as my lover, not my keeper.”  
  
Haldir was speechless for a moment. ”You know nothing of love, young Legolas, and for that I pity you.” Haldir proceeded to drag the horse outside in the night air, with Legolas following behind them.  
  
As Haldir rode out of the courtyard, Legolas stood in the shadows, his sorrow mingled with a smile, for he knew something Haldir did not.  
  
~*~  
  
At first Legolas had not been sure the portion had worked, but when he had lost his breakfast to the sink two weeks in a row, he knew. When he started to show, he was thrilled. The only two things that kept his enthusiasm down was the fact that a pregnant, male ruler was not was Mirkwood wanted, and so he told his chief advisor to tell the inhabitants of Mirkwood that he had fallen sick, and therefore was indisposable. He kept to his wing and only let a few elves see him, two servants, the chief advisor and the healer. Every single one of them was appalled by his state, and many were the nights Legolas had lain awake, wondering if he had made a mistake. What if he were just as twisted as Thranduil? Had he not just proved it? He had forced Haldir to impregnate him, how much more mad did it have to get, before they could lock him down in his cell once more?  
  
The healer was anxious because Legolas’ magically enhanced pregnancy was moving along much faster than a females would. As far as the healer could tell, Legolas had almost carried the child to term, but he had only carried it half the term of a female.  
  
Legolas woke that night, feeling nauseous and strangely tense. At first he didn't note what it was, thinking he might have eaten some bad food, and with much toil he got out of bed. He went to get some water, when he realised that these unpleasant stomach pains actually increased in frequency, and too late he realised what was happening, before a powerful contraction tore though his body.  
  
~*~  
  
Hours later Legolas was laying dazed in his bed, watching the tiny being who was wrapped in a blanket laying next to him, with amazement. It was a tiny baby girl, with no name as of yet. Legolas was afraid he would wake her if he touched her, she looked too fragile and perfect in her slumber, full on a bottle of milk and exhausted from being brought to the world. Maybe Haldir's wrath was worth this after all; maybe the world’s wrath would not matter, all he knew was that he had created this life, and that he would give his own, to protect hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first part of the two part light half of this fic,and bring on the blushing elves, and mary sues. lol... told you i can't write fluff!

Legolas would never be called in front of the dreaded tribunal, nor had he ever realised that it was Haldir's doing that he was not punished for his deed. Had he known what Haldir had told his Lord and Lady, Legolas would have died from shame.  
  
What was left of the Mirkwood elves had stopped asking questions about the blond elfling most often seen clinging close to the king, they simply accepted that she was there, and found it impossible not to fall in love with her joyous nature and hearty laugh.  
  
Legolas was a proud parent, scared to repeat his own father's mistake in molding little Estë's future before she started living, he would let his daughter attend whatever she pleased. Some of the tutors were not too pleased with the little elfling girl picking up a bow as tall as herself and not spending her time on needlepoint, but Legolas saw absolutely nothing wrong in her pursuing whatever felt natural to her.  
  
It had not been until Estë had been moved into her own rooms that Legolas discovered how lonely he was, many were the nights where he sat and stared out the window on the night sky instead of doing the paperwork required of him. Never had he found someone to fill his heart the way that Haldir had, and he knew that he had played his cards as wrongly as he could have. He wished he had done everything differently, if he had, then maybe Haldir would have stayed, or at least stayed in touch. Legolas had sent the Galadrim many a letter, but didn't know if they had ever reached their destination, since Haldir had never sent anything back. And so in the end he had stopped writing, and with painful hindsight, realised that Haldir did not wish to be acquainted with the likes of him any more. He too had been more comfortable with the feral creature stuck in chains. Legolas had cried bitter, bitter tears over his own deception of Haldir, and as much as he loved his daughter, then he wished that everything was different.  
  
Years went by, turning into decades, and still Legolas would not take another mate, none of them would smile at him the way Haldir had, and none of them had hands that would feel like they kept him on the very ground. Estë had her 280th birthday, and life was tranquil in Mirkwood.  
  
~*~  
  
When the parcel came, it came along with a regal looking elf from Rivendell. Legolas was most puzzled when he was told who had come from Rivendell's to deliver a message to him. ”Why would Elrond send his Chief Advisor?” Legolas asked, putting down his quill, looking up at his own Chief Advisor.  
  
”That is for your ears only my King,” his advisor said with a little smile, ”But I am of the impression that it is of great importance.”  
  
Legolas rose a perfect eyebrow. ”Intriguing,” he mumbled, pushing away the papers in front of him on the desk. With a sudden move, Legolas stood from his chair. ”Take me to Elrond's messenger.”  
  
~*~  
  
Erestor must be the most beautiful elf Legolas had ever seen, and for a moment he had to look away from the Rivendell elf's gaze. Berating himself that he had just been alone for too long, and it was only logical that he would feel like this when faced with so much beauty. They sat down and let the servants bring them wine and food while Erestor told Legolas of his errand. Apparently the one ring had resurfaced, and was now present in Rivendell. Galadriel and Elrond had decided that this was a matter of all races of middle earth, and so decided to have a council for a champion amongst all races.  
  
”War?” Legolas asked, taking a sip of his glass, ”Lord Elrond wants to march into war once more?”  
  
Erestor nodded, ”If necessary.”  
  
Legolas sat for the longest time and tapped his lip with his finger, thinking about Erestor's proposition. ”Tell your Lord that I will attend his council,” he turned his gaze to Erestor, and smiled, ”And that I will fight his war, if needed.”  
  
”It is a war that concerns us all, your majesty,” Erestor said.  
  
Legolas nodded, apparently the time of tranquillity was over, and now was his chance to show that he was a better ruler than his father. ”Pray tell Master Erestor, why did Lord Elrond ask for me, of all elves on Arda. He has two brave sons himself, they could have attended in this circle instead.”  
  
Erestor wet his lips and nodded, ”My Lord asked specifically for you, your majesty.” The vaguest red hue suddenly spread across the advisor's cheeks, most unlike Erestor to blush. ”He told me that all of Arda owes it to your bloodline, to make wrongs, right.”  
  
Now it was Legolas' turn to be baffled. ”He said that?”  
  
Erestor nodded, ”He did, Your Majesty.” The dark haired elf sat down his glass, ”He also mentioned you have a daughter, you both are of course most welcome at the Last Homely House, Lord Elrond would be most delighted to meet her, I am sure.”  
  
Legolas looked away and down at his feet, ”Master Erestor, can I call upon your silence and discretion?” he whispered.  
  
Erestor nodded, ”But of course, Your Majesty.”  
  
Legolas took a deep breath, ”Will Lorien be represented at this council as well?”  
  
Erestor shook his head, ”No, Lady Galadriel already knows the outcome, some say.”  
  
”Oh,” Legolas sighed. ”Very well then, Estë and I shall both travel with you to Rivendell.”  
  
~*~  
  
Estë was quite excited as she rode out of Mirkwood along with her father, the Rivendell elf, and some guards. Never had she gone this far from their home. Legolas had denied her permission to join any form of patrols until she had seen her 500th year.  
  
Erestor rode next to Legolas in front of the party, ”Forgive me, Your Majesty,” Erestor said, looking over his shoulder to see if Estë was within hearing range.  
  
”Master Erestor, there is no need for formalities, you may call me Legolas.”  
  
Erestor's smile widened, he didn't quite understand why he had been warned about the cruel king of Mirkwood, there were absolutely nothing cruel about Legolas, most of all he just seemed sad and lost, but not mad or cruel. ”You may call me Erestor,” Erestor said, and then laughed softly, a rare sound from the stoic elf.  
  
”What is so funny, Erestor?” Legolas asked, looking puzzled.  
  
”I have just not made a friend, in so many years, that I forgot how to, until I met you,” Erestor admitted.  
  
”Likewise, Erestor, likewise,” Legolas chuckled. ”Now, what was it you wanted to ask me?”  
  
Erestor sobered up, and smiled politely. ”It is about Estë,” Erestor said, ”How old is she?”  
  
”280,” Legolas said. And before Erestor could say anything Legolas hurriedly added, ”I am past my 2000th year, friend.”  
  
Erestor shook his head amused, Legolas was right in one thing, he looked a lot younger than he claimed to be. ”I realise this is a delicate matter, but have you given her begetting any thought?” He smiled mysteriously, knowingly, and then added ”I think that time is upon her soon.”  
  
Legolas whipped around in the saddle, scouting for his daughter who was riding in the far back, flanked by two Rivendell elves, giggling, and acting out. Legolas turned slowly in his saddle again, ”I think you might be right,” he added softly, the strange sadness clouded his face once more as when Erestor had seen him first. ”But I never had a begetting feast of my own, so I would not know what to do.”  
  
Erestor reached out and placed a hand on Legolas' shoulder, ”Fret not, I am sure that Lord Elrond would be thrilled to host her feast, and I can help you.” Erestor cleared his throat a little embarrassed, ”I planned Elrond's children's begetting feasts as well.”  
  
”Oh,” Legolas mouthed. ”In that case, I would be delighted, I just want her to have a unforgettable day.”  
  
Erestor nodded again, not asking what he wanted to ask; why Legolas had not had a begetting feast of his own.  
  
~*~  
  
Legolas was sitting and watching Estë closely as they camped. Luckily, he was intimidating and important enough so the young guards would not dare to touch her, but he didn't trust his daughter as much as he did his guards, not in that regard anyway. Erestor came and sat down by the fire, ”You should rest,” he said, ”We are inside the borders of Rivendell, nothing will happen here.”  
  
”I fear no Orcs,” Legolas smiled amused, ”I fear for my daughters honour.”  
  
Erestor raked the fire with a long stick, ”I can't promise your daughters honour will not be harmed,” he chuckled. He sat back up, watching as the fire started to feed anew. ”I believe you brought her up well, and she can fend for herself.” He turned and looked at his friend in the soft light from the fire, ”You can relax Legolas,” he said tenderly.  
  
Legolas took a deep breath and tuned his head, looking directly into Erestor's brown eyes. ”Why you are befriending me?” He asked with a whisper, ”Did you not hear the rumours? That I am a cruel heartless master, crippled in spirit and mind?”  
  
”I heard them,” Erestor admitted, not looking away from Legolas. ”I am a practical elf, if I can say so myself, and I do not believe in rumours that easy, I like to make up my own mind about others. And you dear, Legolas, you seem to be a lot of things, but heartless is most certainly not amongst them.”  
  
Legolas wanted to reply, but he found he was speechless, instead he just pinched the bridge of his nose. ”You don't know me at all,” he finally whispered.  
  
”I don't,” Erestor admitted, ”But I know what I see with my own eyes.”  
  
”What do you see then?” Legolas asked, having a strange feeling inside that this conversation was about to take a very unlikely twist.  
  
Erestor took Legolas' hand and rubbed it gently. ”I see a very beautiful, loving, and terribly lonely elf, living only for his family and responsibility, and not for himself.”  
  
Legolas blushed to his roots. And when he finally spoke, his voice was unsure, ”Y-you find me beautiful?”  
  
”How can I not?” Erestor stated honestly.  
  
”I can think of a reason or two,” Legolas muttered. Erestor gingerly reached out and brushed some of Legolas' hair behind the delicately pointed ear, completely caught off guard as Legolas suddenly kissed him full on the lips, it was a soft, fleeting kiss, and over as soon as it started.  
  
Erestor just stared at Legolas baffled, touching his own lips where Legolas' had been just moments ago with his fingertip.  
  
”It is as I thought,” Legolas said saddened, his eyes moist and sad. ”Goodnight, Master Erestor, I shall see you in the morning,” Legolas mumbled, rising from the fallen log, fleeing the camp fire to hide in the dark tent and wait until sunrise.  
  
~*~  
  
His surprise knew no limit when he noticed that Erestor slipped into his tent an hour later. ”Legolas?” Erestor whispered.  
  
”Yes,” Legolas whispered in reply.  
  
”Why did you run off like that?” Erestor asked, and when Legolas didn't answer, Erestor came over to his bed and gingerly sat down besides Legolas. ”Did you think you angered me?”  
  
”More like, repulsed you,” Legolas answered honestly, for he found that this was not the hour for lies and deceit. ”But now you know why I... ” his voice trailed off to nothing.  
  
”Eru,” Erestor mumbled, shaking his head. But instead of saying more, he just lifted Legolas' head, and returned the kiss he had received earlier, this one lasting longer, and carried much more promise of things to come. When the kiss ended Erestor smiled, seeing Legolas, the so called heartless, cruel king of Mirkwood, wide-eyed and flustered like an elfling. ”I forgive you,” Erestor said with an amused smile.  
  
Legolas tried not to smile, but the tiniest of chuckles escaped him.  
  
”I spoke the truth, you are indeed kind and beautiful, Legolas. And I would like to, eh...” Erestor stopped mid sentence, to look at Legolas in the candle light, he looked utterly amused. ”What's so funny?”  
  
”The fabled and feared chief advisor of Rivendell, at loss for words,” Legolas said laughing softly.  
  
Erestor smiled leaning backwards into Legolas' bed, laying down on the mattress, looking up at Legolas. ”I just didn't want to send you running again,” he admitted, ”And besides, this is your tent, where are you supposed to run next?”  
  
Legolas sucked in his breath, ”So, you really didn't mind that I kissed you?”  
  
”No,” Erestor stated with a smile, ”In fact you can kiss me any time you like to.” Erestor had thought that Legolas would laugh, but instead he saw the younger elf's eyes narrow in suspicion. ”Don't mock me,” he hissed.  
  
Erestor frowned, ”What makes you think I was mocking you?”  
  
Legolas got up from the bed, forcing Erestor to sit if he wanted to watch him pace back and forth. ”For a long time ago, I lost my heart to another elf,” Legolas said, ”He did not return my affection, but... but... I took it anyway.”  
  
Erestor's eyes widened, this was something he had not thought he would ever hear. ”Against his will?”  
  
Legolas nodded shamefully, ”Yes.” He turned his back to Erestor, for he did not care to see Erestor's fair face twist in disgust. ”I made sure he could not say no to my kisses, but I knew deep inside that he did not care for a male in that way, and he for certain did not care for me like this either. He loved me like a father or a brother, not as a lover, that was all my doing, because I could not control my raging heart and libido.” Legolas was silent for a moment, expecting the flap to the tent to shut behind Erestor as he left, but he heard nothing but Erestor breathing behind him somewhere in the half light. ”I raped him, and the product of that is Estë, she does not know this, nor should she ever know. I am not Estë's father as she believe, I am her mother.” Now Legolas turned and looked at Erestor who still sat in the shadow's on the bed. ”I did that on purpose, I drank a magic portion that would allow me as a male, to carry a child, and I took his seed without asking for permission, because I was so afraid of loosing him, that I wanted something of his around for the rest of my life.”  
  
Legolas took a step towards Erestor. ”Tell me, are those the acts of a sane, loving elf? No, it is not. It is the reasoning of a mad, tormented mind, and no matter how much I love my daughter, I live every day in regret that I forced myself and my madness on Haldir, he did not deserve that, he never showed me anything but kindness, and I replayed him by trying to own him, with any means necessary. Tell me dear Erestor, do you still have those high thoughts for me, you had before?”  
  
Erestor looked up at Legolas, tears was evident in his long lashes, ”That is the most terrible tale I ever heard,” he admitted. ”My heart weeps for you.”  
  
”What?” Legolas gasped, he had been ready to deal with a number of outcomes to his confession, this was not one of them. ”For me?”  
  
Erestor nodded, ”I know of your fathers demise, for I was the one who did the paperwork for my Lord when they were regarding your tribunal appeal, and...”  
  
”Hold it!” Legolas said urgently, sitting down next to Erestor once more, ”My tribunal appeal? I never appealed anything, I sent them word to punish me however they saw fit, but never received any reply.”  
  
Erestor nodded, ”Haldir went to his lady and told her your tale, this I know from the papers. It was the very elf you accuse of hating you, who saved your life.”  
  
”But...” Legolas whispered, ”I did not know.” He looked up at Erestor with a wounded expression, ”I didn't deserve that gesture from him, I did nothing but to violate his trust.”  
  
”Never the less, he chose to defend you,” Erestor said. Legolas fell silent, sitting on the bed, watching the swirls in the bed cover for the longest time. ”I too know what it means to love someone who does not love you back,” Erestor said softly.  
  
”He was right,” Legolas finally whispered. ”On the night of his departure he told me I knew nothing of love, at the time I was furious with him for denying me my heart.” He slowly looked up at Erestor and smiled sadly, ”I know now he was right, what I felt for him, had nothing to do with love.”  
  
Erestor straightened up in his seat, ”But you know better now.”  
  
”Estë, she showed me the meaning of love.” Legolas admitted, ”How was I supposed to know that it was not love I felt in my heart, for none had ever showed me true love. Estë, she is my pride, and shame in one.”  
  
”She will soon be an adult, Legolas, then you have to learn how to live again,” Erestor said.  
  
~*~  
  
Morning found Erestor and Legolas in bed sleeping, fully clothed on top of the blanket, but spooned up like kittens. When Legolas first woke he had been confused to find that the other elf had stayed through the night, nestling up against Erestor's back, he wrapped an arm around the sleeping Rivendell elf. Maybe Erestor was right? Maybe it was time he learned to live for himself, not for Thranduil, not for honour, not for war, and not for Estë, but just for him – Legolas. And what did Legolas want? He thought to himself, and in all honestly he could say that he wanted nothing more than to lay here snuggled up to Erestor.  
  
When Erestor stirred, Legolas tried to pull his arm back, but found that Erestor had a hold on it. ”It has been ages since I slept this well,” Erestor mumbled, yawning.  
  
Legolas thought about it, and he too had slept like he had not slept in ages. ”I had a delightful rest as well,” he said, and feeling a little mischievous, added ”But how could I not when I have my arms full of Rivendell elf?”  
  
”Cocky,” Erestor chuckled, turning over on his back, looking up at Legolas who propped up on his elbow, was looking down at Erestor on his pillow.  
  
”You are not as frightening as they say,” Legolas said, deciding to give Erestor back with his own medicine, ”You are as beautiful as you are wise and forgiving.”  
  
Erestor blinked confused for a moment, and then a broad smile spread on his lips. ”I think I like the way you think, Legolas of Mirkwood,” he laughed.  
  
Legolas grinned as well, he could get used to this, sweet words and gentle touches. True, Erestor did not feel or sound like Haldir, but he didn't have to. He just had to sound and feel like Erestor, and that was fine by Legolas.  
  
~*~  
Legolas, Erestor and Estë had arrived at the Last Homely House, and for a moment Legolas had been a little afraid that Erestor would forget all the kind words the moment they rode across the courtyard, but he soon discovered this was not the truth. Erestor was every bit as kind at home as he had been in Mirkwood, and on the road. Legolas didn't see much of Estë who ignored her father to sneak out with the pretty exotic Rivendell elves, having the time of her young life.  
  
Erestor had in agreement with Lord Elrond and Legolas, decided that Estë should have her begetting feast the last day of May. And the last day of May came too fast.  
  
~*~  
  
At Estë's room Legolas sat on her bed, watching some maids braid his daughter's long silver blond hair. ”Papa?” She asked, ”What was your begetting feast like?”  
  
”I don't remember, my heart,” Legolas said with a sweet smile. And truth was he had not even been aware that such a thing existed when he should have been the one having his own feast. Threanduil had only thought him about war and weapons, never about the joys of making merry for no apparent reason. ”Are you nervous?”  
  
Estë smiled at her reflection in the mirror, looking at her father behind her. ”No,” she lied.  
  
Legolas laughed and got up from the bed, and walked over to the chair where Estë sat. The maids silently retreated and left the room, their task done. ”Is there room for me on your ball card?” he asked, idly twining Estë's hair between his fingers.  
  
”Of course not!” Estë laughed, ”You are old, and you're my father!”  
  
Legolas laughed again, ”I should have known you were an ungrateful brat.”  
  
”I wish my mother could have been here too,” She suddenly said, her voice saddened. Legolas didn't know what to say, and just dropped his gaze to look upon his fingers in Estë's hair. The tension built in the room, since Legolas had never been willing to answer any questions of Estë's about her absent mother. ”Papa?” she said after some time.  
  
”Yes my sweet?” Legolas said, looking up at Estë's mirror image again.  
  
”You really like that Erestor, don't you?” She asked sweetly.  
  
”W-what, who... Eh... Of course I like him, he is a very likeable elf.”  
  
Estë laughed, and turned in the chair, facing her father for real, ”It's okay Papa, I can tell that you are in love, all of Rivendell can see that, except you apparently.”  
  
Legolas stared wide eyed at his daughter ”Who replaced my darling daughter with this grown female?” he said slapping Estë's shoulder playfully, but avoiding her eyes.  
  
”Papa,” Estë whined.  
  
”I do,” Legolas admitted reluctantly. ”I do like Erestor a lot” Estë took her father's hand, and for the first time Legolas noticed how big that hand had gotten, it was the hand of a grown female elf, and not a little chubby child's hand. To think that he had almost repeated his own father's mistake, and not letting her have this day which was rightfully hers. ”Come, princess,” he said, ”I believe there is a party waiting for you.”  
  
~*~  
  
Legolas had wanted to retire early from the feast, but had found himself seated at a table with the Gondorian, Boromir, and Elrond's seneshal, Glorfindel, who exchanged old battle stories. He didn't really care for their bragging, but it felt nice and homely to just sit at the table with his drink, watching Estë dance. Suddenly he heard someone whisper in his ear, ”I think she has a sweet spot for Lord Elrond the youngest son.”  
  
Legolas smiled, knowing who this sultry voice belonged to. ”She has good taste,” he replied.  
  
”Master Erestor!” Glorfindel suddenly exclaimed, ”You must have a drink with us, my old friend.”  
  
Erestor looked trapped for a second, but then just gave in and sat down next to Boromir, reaching for the glass that Glorfindel handed him. Glorfindel was just about to say something, when Erestor leaned in over the table, addressing Legolas and ignoring the seneshal to his left. ”She is indeed beautiful, you should be proud.”  
  
”Thank you, Erestor,” Legolas said with a sweet smile, that made Glorfindel roll his eyes. Thinking of what Estë had said earlier in her bedroom, and fuelled by alcohol, Legolas held out his hand to Erestor. ”Have this dance with me,” he smirked.  
  
”Oh, I thought you'd never ask,” Glorfindel mocked Erestor's voice into a whiny woman's voice.  
  
Erestor just shot him an deadly glare, and then smiled at Legolas, ”But of course,” he said, following Legolas out into the crowd of dancing elves.  
  
~*~  
  
Later Legolas slipped away from the party, inhaling the cool night air with a deep sigh. This had been a wonderful party, and he was sure it was a night Estë would remember for the rest of her life. He would be forever grateful to Lord Elrond and Erestor for making this feast for her. Even if he was glad that Haldir was not here, he couldn't help but to be a little saddened that he could not see Estë now, radiant, beautiful and alive, and worth every tear they had ever shed.  
  
”A penny for your thoughts,” A soft voice said behind him. Legolas didn't turn around, he knew his daughters voice.  
  
”I was just thinking of you,” he answered, looking up at the red harvest moon above them. ”Thinking of how strange it is that it seems like only a few years ago I was teaching you how to eat with a fork, and here you are, a grown female, surrounded by beautiful suitors.” Legolas laughed softly to himself, ”Estë? Can I ask you something?” He finally turned around and looked at his daughter who had come to stand at his side.  
  
”Of course,” Estë said with a sweet smile, resting her head on Legolas' shoulder.  
  
”Are you happy like this?”  
  
Estë raised her head, and looked worried at her father. ”Why would you ask me something like that?”  
  
”Because I want to know,” Legolas said, deadly serious.  
  
”I am Papa, I am very happy,” Estë finally said with a nod.  
  
Legolas looked over Estë's shoulder, and saw Elrohir who was on his way out into the gardens, ”I think you're missed inside, sweetness.”  
  
”What?” Estë turned too, and saw Elrohir walking towards them with a awkward smile. ”Oh,” she giggled.  
  
Legolas gave him a friendly smile, but in reality he felt like giggling too, for he could see the nervousness mingle with lust in the young elf's eyes when he looked at Ëste. ”My Lord Elrohir,” he said, still smiling.  
  
”Your Majesty,” Elrohir said, bowing slightly, ”Would you mind greatly if I kidnapped your daughter back to the dance?”  
  
This time Legolas couldn't hold in his laughter any more, and with a merry chuckle he nodded, ”Why don't you ask her that?”  
  
But Elrohir didn't get the chance before Estë took his hand and started to haul him back to the hall of fire, leaving Legolas alone in the dark garden.  
  
~*~  
  
Erestor had noticed that Legolas had been gone awfully long, but when he got up to go look for him, he bumped into a very drunk, and very amused Glorfindel. ”Lost your lover?” Glorfindel whispered with a stupid grin.  
  
”He's not my... ” Erestor gave up and just shook his head. ”Drink it up Glorfindel,” he mumbled, trying to get past the balrog slayer.  
  
”Take these,” Glorfindel pushed two goblets in Erestor's hands. ”He's out in the garden, apparently he's just as big a party animal as you are.”  
  
”Glorfindel... you are...” Erestor started, but then just smiled vaguely, ”Thank you,” ignoring Glorfindel's loud amusement as he made his way through the crowd and escaped out into the dark garden.  
  
Erestor saw Legolas the moment he stepped out into the night, and walked straight for him. ”Here,” he said softly, not wanting to startle the other elf, handing him one of the goblets.  
  
”Can you smell the magnolia?” Legolas asked dreamily.  
  
”Yes,” Erestor answered, sitting down next to Legolas with his own goblet.  
  
”Funny how everything here smells of that,” he turned his head and smiled lopsided, ”Even you.”  
  
Erestor laughed, toasting with Legolas.  
  
”I wish I could stay,” Legolas whispered, looking straight out into the air, ”I felt more alive here than I did for the last 1000 years in Mirkwood.”  
  
Erestor took a deep breath, ”I wish you could stay too, after all its not all that often I have an excuse to visit Mirkwood.” He wrapped an arm around Legolas' shoulders, ”I know you have to return eventually.”  
  
”Would you do something for me?” Legolas asked sadly, ”When I leave for Elrond's war, would you look after Estë for me? Something tells me she would like to stay here too.”  
  
”But of course,” Erestor whispered back. Squeezing Legolas' shoulders lightly. ”Speaking of war,” Erestor said, sipping his drink. ”I lost my heart in war once, I refuse to let it happen again.”  
  
Legolas turned his head and looked at Erestor with wonderment in his eyes.  
  
”I think,” Erestor started, and then cleared his throat. Why was he so bad at this? ”No, I know that I am falling in love with you, I know its stupid and beyond all reason, but my heart never listened to reason to begin with.” Erestor looked away from Legolas demurely, falling silent.  
  
”Erestor,” Legolas mumbled, when Erestor looked up, Legolas reached across their laps and caressed Erestor's face, ”It's terribly stupid of you, you who by all means are a very intelligent elf, if not the most intelligent elf on Arda. But it seems like I am just as big a fool as you.” He guided Erestor's face closer and kissed the other elf's lips softly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN 2011 - So i tried to finish this, long overdue and you might feel cheated for the smut, but seriously i am just not happy with this fic, and i tried to stay within the challenge and give it a happy end, DAMN that was hard, i can't write that happy stuff, and if i had followed LEgolas to the door, it would have been enough to make me shit rainbows for a week, so sorry, and i hope you can use this anyway. =) - And goddamn i finished it!)

Estë's evening went perfectly, and even if Legolas had wanted to take Erestor up on his offer which had made him blush like a child. He hadn't. He had told himself that never again would he confuse love and, well he didn't know what it had been he had felt for Haldir, but he knew he had felt like he couldn't breathe if the other elf wasn't at his side, the thought of losing him had been so crushing that Legolas didn't think he would have survived it back then. But it wasn't love. More something between debt and the urge to own, like when you pin down butterflies to study and admire.

Legolas had gone to bed alone that night. And the next night, and the next night. And then came the council of the fellowship, and he had tossed himself into this futile quest without thinking, he had just wanted to do something good, to aid the right cause.

  
That night was beautiful and Erestor had just made it more perfect when he had taken Legolas' hand and guided him to his rooms, making love to him the way it was supposed to be. And as Legolas laid there and looked at Erestor who talked in the dark, he wasn't paying attention. This had been what Haldir had meant when he had talked about love, it had to be. This strange melancholy feeling inside had to be love.

”Legolas?” Erestor asked slightly amused, smiling.

”Oh.” Legolas smiled back, ”I wasn't listening.”

”You don't say.” Erestor grinned, He turned to his side, pulling Legolas close, wrapping an arm protectively around the other elf. ”Something wrong?”

”No, not at all.” Legolas sighed in bliss, ”It is like it's supposed to be.” There was a long moment of silence before Legolas whispered, ”If I.. If something should happen to me, you would look after Estë for as long as she need it -”

”You won't.” Erestor said with a serene smile, kissing Legolas' soft cheek, ”The Valar can't be that cruel to me twice.” He added, knowing it was slightly inappropriate, but still it was what he believed.

”Honestly Erestor.” Legolas said seriously, ”I don't think the Valar care.”

”That is preposterous, of course they do.” Erestor sat up a little, looking down at Legolas in his bed. ”They gave you Estë.”

”No, I took her.” Legolas said grimly, ”I ripped that poor soul from the Valar, it had nothing to do with their 'grand scheme' or whatever it is you think.” Legolas avoided Erestor's dark eyes, ”What i did was unforgivable.. And. And.. This quest, i accepted it because.” He sighed, ”It's my atonement.”

Erestor grabbed Legolas' arm hard, forcing the younger elf to look at him. ”Don't you dare say that.” He growled.

Legolas smiled sadly, ”I am so sorry that we met at these times, I wish i had met you.. No i don't, I am just sad that we are spending the time we 'do' have talking about death, it was not my intention. I just wanted to make sure that Estë will be cared for in case i am not here to do it. Please Erestor, it would mean the world to me, if you just answered.”

Erestor let go of Legolas' arm and nodded, ”You have my word.”

”Thank you my love.” Legolas said, unable to hide a smile when Erestor's eyes widened. ”Now come, it's not morning yet, and we don't have to get out of bed yet.”

~*~

As Legolas prepared for departure with the fellowship, he heard a knock on his door, whoever was outside didn't wait for his answer, and just came in. Legolas smiled as Erestor stood there all dishellved and flustered, the feared advisor of Lord Elrond indeed. ”Erestor.” Legolas padded the bed next to him, waiting for Erestor to join him. ”I know you've done so much for me already, but i have to ask you one last thing.” Legolas said, ”I told you the truth about Estë,” He looked straight at Erestor searching the deep brown eyes for any sign of untruth. ”She can never know.”

Erestor blinked, ”What did you tell her?” He asked, his long slender hands figtening his sleeves as he spoke.

”That her mother died.” Legolas answered flatly, ”Erestor my love, i know you think it's insane, but please just hear me; If she knows the truth and i return, she will loathe me, and i don't think i can deal with her scorn.” Legolas reached up and cupped Erestor's face in his hands, ”And if i die, there is no reason she should remember me with embarrassment. My reasons were wrong, but she is still my daughter. Surely you understand that.”

”I don't.” Erestor said finally averting Legolas' eyes, ”But i will respect your wish.”

”I Lo-”

”Don't.” Erestor interrupted Legolas sounding miserable, ”Tell me when you come back.” He smiled sadly. He opened his hands and both elves looked down at Erestor's hands, there was a neatly crafted necklace with a half-moon, ”It's all i have from my childhood home, it was my mothers, and.. And i have told myself i was a melancholy idiot for keeping it, but now i know why.” He looked up at Legolas who looked nothing short of overwhelmed, ”It's because it is for you.” He turned his hand over and placed it in Legolas' palm.

”I have..” Legolas took a deep breath to compose himself, he wasn't really good at this feelings thing, it just made him uncomfortable and blushing like an idiot. ”-Nothing for you.”

”You left your daughter here with me, isn't that something?” Erestor said solemnly.

”First I will assist the ring bearer to fulfill his destiny, but then i promise you that i will crawl here with my dying breath if i must.” Legolas smiled and kissed Erestor's sad face.

”Papa?” Estë called in the door, ”They are ready.”

”Yes, my heart.” Legolas stood from the bed, ”Remeber what you promised me,” He whispered to Erestor.

”I will.” Erestor said with a brave nod. ”Come back alive.”

”I will try.” Legolas said softly, ”I lived most my life in and around madness, and i survived that, so i am sure that a little trip to mount doom can't be that hard.” He smiled and kissed Erestor's forehead.

Erestor let out a long defeated sigh, and stood from the bed as Legolas straighted.

”Come child.” Legolas said, hooking his arm with Estë. ”Erestor promised me that he would take care of you till i return, so you can stay here, and won't have to return to Mirkwood.” He said as they slowly walked down towards the courtyard. ”And even if i shouldn't return, he is your guardian, and you don't have to feel obligated, Mirkwood don't need a king or a queen, the ministers can deal with it.”

”Don't be daft papa.” Estë said squeezing his father's arm a little tighter. ”Elrond has two sons to rule, surely he can let me have one.”

Legolas laughed merrily, ”I am sure he will.” He kissed her cheek, ”I will miss you, even if you are a spoiled little menace.”

Estë stuck out her tongue, but then fell her father around his neck, holding him tight. ”Come back.”

”Don't worry.” Legolas said, kissing her cheek. As he walked down the stairs to his horse that was waiting.

~*~

Legolas was hesitant when they had to flee into the woods of Lorien, but they had no choice, and his fear for being faced with Galadriel and Haldir was overwritten by his duty to protect Frodo and the ring.

He had heard them, but he couldn't see them, till Haldir suddenly stood there in front of them, mocking Gimli, Legolas hadn't even thought about it, but now realised he was aiming his arrow at him. How different he looked here than how he remembered him.

As they followed the Galadhrim into Lorien, Legolas fell back as far from Haldir and his brothers as he could, he just wanted the ground to swallow him whole, he was ready to not give a toss about duty or wars and just flee, run mindlessly from this place. He knew he couldn't keep his foul deeds a secret from the Lady of the woods, and he feared her judgement just as much as Haldir's.

He kept a mask of courtesy as Haldir spoke, afraid that he would be able to see how scared he was.

”Legolas king of Mirkwood, you made it here.” Haldir said and nodded politely.

”Haldir.” Legolas said hoping his voice was steady, ”It has been long.”

”Not long enough.” Haldir whispered as he turned around and left the talan with the Fellowship on it, Aragorn looked puzzled, but Legolas just shrugged it off, ”I beat him in cards once.” He said and walked off, far away from Aragorn and anyone else who might have heard the underlying menace in their conversation.

And as they stood in front of Galadriel, Legolas was so scared that he thought he would faint, he had been so ready to take his punishment once, now he found he wasn't as willing anymore.

/ Legolas of Mirkwood./

Legolas gasped, and shut his eyes tight, hearing her voice in his head.

/ You poor wretched child, don't be afraid, we mean you no harm./

Legolas slowly opened his eyes and looked at his friends in front of him, and the lord and lady of the woods in front of them. He almost opened his mouth to speak but instead he looked away, / You know what i am./

/ I know what you were, and i know why./

Legolas kept silent, forgiveness was not hers to give.

/ Child. / Galadriel's voice echoed in Legolas' mind, / Some secrets are best kept just that. Sometimes truth serves no purpose. And at other times the lie will eat your soul. You know what you must do. /

/ Thank you, Milady./ Legolas let out a sigh as her presence disappeared from his mind.

~*~

”You seem preoccupied.” Aragorn said, sitting down next to Legolas on a giant root.

”Of course, Gandalf is dead.” Legolas said with badly hidden annoyance.

Aragorn studied Legolas for a moment, ”What was that deal with the Galadhrim?”

Legolas could have screamed, but he just smiled calmly at Aragorn, ”Elessar, it is not of your concern, it's of a private matter.”

Aragorn rose a brow, clearly not buying it. ”That makes sense, only a lover scored will carry that much venom in their voice.”

Looking up into the majestic trees Legolas sighed, ”I wronged him, but that is decades ago.” He turned his head and looked directly at Aragorn, ”Leave it be Elessar, if you are my friend, you will let this matter rest.”

Aragorn wasn't much for leaving the subject, worrying for his friend, but in the end he chose to respect Legolas' wish. ”Alright, I will return to Frodo and the others.”

”You do that.” Legolas smiled friendly, ”I will sit here for a while.”

Aragorn got up and left, leaving Legolas to himself pondering on Galadriel's words for him so he should keep it a secret, but was that to Estë or Haldir?

”Legolas.” a soft voice said, and Haldir sat down next to Legolas who tensed nervously, not really wanting to sit through a tirade. ”I am sorry i behaved like that before.” Haldir said softly.

”Why?” Legolas said, still not looking at Haldir, ”I deserve it, and more.”

Haldir sighed, ”Maybe.” He leaned up against the treetrunk too, ”I would be a poor mender of souls if i didn't find it in me to forgive you.”

”No.” Legolas admitted. ”I have a conf..confession.” He whispered, with a slight stutter. Gathering all his courage he turned and looked at Haldir. ”I really thought i loved you, never doubt that, but you were right, i didn't know the first thing about love, no one had ever showed me how, all i knew what how to best and..” His voice broke over, so he took a deep breath, ”I thought insanity would claim me again when you said you would leave, and i thought i would die when you told me you didn't love me like I loved you.”

”I wish i could have spared you that.” Haldir said with a sad smile, recalling the heartbroken young elf that was calling for him in the stables, and the dirty thing he had found in that dungeon, Legolas had come a very, very long way since.

”I read that journal.” Legolas admitted feeling tears of shame welling up in his eyes, ”I realised why he had done what he had done, it didn't lessen my humiliation, but it.. it spoke to some.. Oh Eru Haldir, i am just as crazy as Thranduil. I – I found the last potion he talked about, and.. ” Legolas finally looked away when he couldn't face Haldir anymore, feeling hot tears of disgrace falling, not wanting anyone to see buried his face in his hands.

Haldir leaned in, whispering, ”What did you do Legolas? You have to tell me.”

”I just wanted to keep you with me.” Legolas admitted pitiful tone. ”Oh Eru forgive me, you have a daughter.”

”You used me as a donor for your child?” Haldir blinked confused trying to understand what he had just been told.

Legolas just nodded, and in a weak attempt of comfort took rubbed his fingers over Erestor's necklace. ”I have wept myself to sleep more nights than i care to remember, first from my wounded pride, and then for my foul deed, and then for fear that Estë would hate me when she learned that i lied, and -”

Haldir took a very deep breath, ”Estë, is that her name?”

Legolas nodded, flinching as Haldir touched his shoulder.

”I'm not gonna hurt you.” Haldir said softly.

Legolas slowly turned his head looking at Haldir, never letting go of his necklace. ”Why not?” He just asked bluntly.

”Because..” Haldir paused ”I don't know what came over me when I saw you, all i could think of what that betrayal and how angry and hurt i was back then.”

”You forgive me?” Legolas almost gasped in relief.

”I wouldn't go that far.” Haldir said darkly, ”But i have seen so many broken souls in my time, that I know you weren't thinking straight, because no one had ever thought you how to show compassion instead of cold conquest.

”I told her that her mother is dead, but I will tell her the truth if you want me to.” Legolas said, his tone innocent and naked, Haldir halfway expected him to ask for Skittles.

”No need.” Haldir said. He reached out, sad to see Legolas flinch again as he touched the necklace. ”You bonded?”

”No.” Legolas admitted but couldn't help but to smile as he thought of Erestor. ”But I left my heart in Rivendell.”

Haldir wet his lips and stared intensely at Legolas, ”You have come so far from the feral elf I met when i came to your father's court, I even had doubts on my Lady's sanity when she claimed that you would play a part in the future of Middleearth. And look at you now!”

”If I could undo it-”

”Hush!” Haldir held up his hand to end Legolas' apology. ”You can't.”

”True.” Legolas' shoulder slumped as he hung his head, ”But if I could.. I would.”

”You know what?” Haldir smiled fatherly, ”I am proud of you.”

”H-how so?” Legolas whispered, not sure he heard right.

”Most elves in your position would have hung themselves in a tree.” Haldir said calmly, and when Legolas looked slightly baffled, he added, ”You forget i have tried to mend many broken elven soul, and sometimes i fail. But you, you are my masterpiece and my biggest woe in one.”

Legolas nodded, not sure he understood this at all. He looked up at Haldir, holding the marchwarden's gaze, ”So where does that leave us?”

”I don't know.” Haldir admitted, ”Give me some time, and I will give you an answer. But we are not enemies, nor friends.”

”I understand.” Legolas said with a weak smile, ”That is so much more than i could ever hope for.” He took Haldir's hand and squeezed it, ”Thank you.”

The next day when Legolas and the Fellowship left Lorien, his steps was lighter than they had been in years, maybe he had been right, maybe this was so much more than aiding the ring bearer, it was his personal absolution.

~*~

Legolas stood on the balcony of the room he had been assigned, having a drink, staring out over what had been the battlefield just a week before, he was watching the people who searched for dead loved ones, and those who tossed the dead on huge pyres. So lost in his thought he didn't hear the knock on the his door.

”Legolas?”

”Legolas?”

Elrohir stopped in the door to the balcony ”Legolas.” He said softly, finally getting Legolas' attention.

”Oh Elrohir.” Legolas said with a smile, but not turning around. ”What brings you here?”

”I missed the messenger.” Elrohir said, ”He had already left when..”

”No harm done.” Legolas said, ”Help yourself to a drink if you want one.”

”No thank you.” Elrohir said stepping out on the balcony to stand next to Legolas. ”I wanted to talk to you, uhm..” Elrohir swallowed hard and sighed.

Legolas smiled amused, ”She couldn't have found a finer elf.” He turned to look at Elrohir at his side, ”And I mean that.”

”Thank you.” Elrohir blushed a little under Legolas amused gaze.

~*~

The messenger arrived to Rivendell and Estë tore down the stairs, almost tripping in her dress. The messenger smiled at her as he jumped off the horse, and Estë just stared at the man, waiting for him to speak. She knew little besides that her father had been alive when Elrohir and Elladan had left to aid them, carrying some special weapon for Elessar. ”Please?” She asked, grabbing the messengers arm.

”I shouldn't be telling you this.” The messenger from Gondor said, ”But I come with a Royal party invitation.”

”What?” Estë let go of his arm, and just stared at the man. ”No news of Elronds sons? Or Legolas of Mirkwood?”

”Sorry Milady, no.” The messenger said, ”Take comfort in the fact that i do not carry any bad news either.”

”True.” Estë sighed, turning and looking at the skies in the direction of Gondor. Royal Wedding? That had to mean that Aragorn had survived the battle and Arwen was there with him. But what of her father? Her beloved? Did they breathe? She wrapped her arms around her as she felt a sudden chill in her bones.

~*~

”Do you see them?” Elrohir asked, and Elladan just laughed, ”I see something, but i don't know if it's a horde of orcs or Papa.”

Elrohir just growled and stretched to see if he could make out who it was in the horizon. ”It is them.” He cheered, ”Fetch Legolas!” He said to Elladan who stood infront of him.

”He already knows.” Legloas said behind him, causing Elrohir to flinch. He stood against the wall and watched as the Rivendell party arrived. He saw Elrohir help Estë from her horse, and a part of him wanted to roll his eyes, she was absolutely more than capable to get off her own horse, but he could see her happy smile as she slipped into Elrohir's arms, and couldn't help but to leer. He tried to recall his own youth, if he had ever laughed and let some handsome elf help him off a horse, but he knew as he thought the thought, that the idea itself was ridiculous. He had been a trained killer from his childhood, never playing, never making merry or being taught pointless games. The closest he had come to a childhood had been the haze from where Haldir had pulled him.

Lost in his thoughts he was surprised to find his arms full of his daughter. ”Papa!” She cried, ”I was so worried.”

At loss for words he just held her tight for a little while, ”He's waiting for you.” He whispered, looking over at Elrohir who stood with Elladan and greeted their father, but as Elladan listened to Elrond, Elrohir was preoccupied, looking in Estë's direction every 5 seconds.

”Let him wait.” Estë whispered back.

”Did Erestor travel with you?” Legolas asked hopeful.

Estë freed herself from her fathers embrace, ”No, he had to stay in Rivendell, with Elrond gone and most the advisors and all.”

”Ah, I see.” Legolas smiled at his daughter but was unable to hide the slight disappointment in his eyes.

~*~

Legolas had greeted Haldir like an old friend, and introduced Estë to him as an old friend. It was not until later during the party where Legolas sat and listened to Gimli trying to best someone in old war stories, Legolas felt terrible lonely, and a part of him regretted that he had ever let Erestor into his life, he had missed the darkhaired elf more than he had been with him, it just seemed so unfair. But then again 'fair' was not really the word that came to mind when he gave his life some afterthought. He took a sip of his drink watching the party, catching a glimpse of Estë dancing. He chuckled and figured he should retire soon, he didn't really want her to feel like he was hovering over her, even if that might be the truth. He downed his drink and stood, he knew that he had seemed depressing companionship so no one would notice if he slipped away. vaguely he wondered if Erestor was just as saddened that he was in Rivendell alone, as he was being stuck here in Gondor. As he made looked over his shoulder again he noticed Estë talking with Haldir, a shiver went through him, he had never imagined those two next to each other, it felt like a lament to his errors. Legolas turned away and exited the party thinking that it was out of his hands, whatever happened.

~*~

The next afternoon he had made his excuses to his brothers in arms from the Fellowship, praising Aragorns party, avoiding his daughter which was not really hard, she was glued to Elrond's son, and Legolas figured that it was like it was supposed to be. Also he didn't want to discuss why he chose to leave Gondor so quickly after the royal party.

He had made it all the way to his horse when he saw Haldir waiting for him at the exit. He knew he couldn't escape his judgement for ever. ”Beautiful feast last night, don't you think?” He said politely as he walked towards Haldir.

”Indeed.” Haldir said with a little smile. ”You are a hero, you know that don't you?”

”Hero is a little much, but I know we all-”

Haldir shook his head and held up a hand to cut off Legolas, ”So where are you off to?” He asked, walking with Legolas down the windy path to the city gates.

”Rivendell.” Legolas said smiling a little awkward smile at Haldir, ”Erestor had to stay behind, and..”

”Oh so he is the one that caught your eye.” Haldir laughed gently, ”You know what? It does make sense in some strange way. That you two should find each other.”

Legolas rose a brow, ”How so?”

”I know him, well.” Haldir said with a cryptic smile, ”Anyway, that was not what i wanted to talk about.”

”I thought so.” Legolas said lamely.

”She is a delight.” Haldir said watching Legolas as they walked, ”An absolute gem.”

Legolas stopped dead and just stared at Haldir, ”So you didn't?”

”Tell her what you told me?” Haldir asked straight out, ”No, there is no reason in her knowing that. But what i am trying to tell you,” He took a deep breath ”-is that i am really proud of you doing such a good job on her, when you had little to no tools to do it with, maybe she springs of madness and heartache, but she turned out a queen. And that is all your doing.”

Legolas actually blushed a little, ”I had help..”

”Liar.” Haldir said with a smile, but his tone was dead serious.

Legolas just nodded and started walking again, Haldir was right, he 'had' done it on his own, there was no elf in the kingdom who had wanted to associate with neither him or his mysterious child when she was little. ”You're right.” He just said with a tiny voice.

Haldir stopped at the city gates, ”You ride on to Rivendell, and i will stay here and keep an eye on Estë's virtue.” He winked.

”Thank you.” Legolas said, humbled. ”I mean thank you for, for everything.”

”I know.” Haldir said, not offering more but a little smile, and Legolas knew that it wasn't getting any better than this, and mounted his horse, starting his journey to Rivendell, and to his beloved.

THE END.


End file.
